One Last Time

Day 1

I finally remember why I hate going to lunch so badly. Put aside the things I said earlier, about the whole food thing and defeating the purpose; I hate it because of the people. Alexis is fine. Nathan is an exception, but the rest of the people at the table right now I can't stand.

Some girl besides Nathan is talking — loudly I might add — about how many guys she's slept with. Now usually I wouldn't mind this, only I know exactly why she's doing this. It's so the high school population at Belmont can know: mostly the boy population. The whole time I wonder who invited her.

I look over at Nathan and he's rolling his eyes. He puts his right hand to his forehead like a gun and pretends to shoot, purposely falling backward onto the ground and making everyone laugh, except me. Right now I just can't. The girl eventually gets the clue.

Nathan is cool and nice. Sometimes I catch myself wondering why I just can't like him. But deep down, I know.

A second after the crowd settles down and Nathan is back in his seat, Josh shows up. I can't help but thinking what Alexis said earlier about their wonderful weekend. I fight the urge not to cringe. Josh is great just not my type. I find myself thinking—whether he was my best friend's boyfriend or not.

"Hey." Alexis is snapping her fingers at me. It's then I realize I've zoned out.

I raise my eyebrow at her and immediately after she gets to talking.

"So I was thinking maybe we should go to a party this weekend." She starts and I know exactly where this is heading. "You never get out of the house anymore."

She never lets the fact I've basically become a hermit go. Something I'm both thankful for because it shows she cares and also hate; because I love being a hermit.

"Wanna shout it any louder," I glare.

"Leslie stop acting like no one knows."

I look over at Nathan, who is staring right past me. He knows he has to pick a side.

"I mean she's not wrong Leslie," and I almost wanna shoot myself. I can't help but think he's siding with her because I haven't been drunk at a party lately and ending the night with him. I almost think he's butt-hurt about my words from a few days ago. Like he's looking to be reassured.

"Okay well, that's enough wasted time for me today. I think I'm just gonna head home."

"Really," Alexis frowns, and she knows she won't be able to convince me out of it.

"Really," I confirm before swinging my backpack over my shoulder and leaving.

___

The sidewalk is uneven and weeds are thriving through the cracks in the cement. Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll sit across the road in the grass and watch people trip over them.

The walk home is a while. The roads are busy with life and distracting, so much so I almost catch myself tripping over the cracks myself. I decide the sidewalk has become too uneven. I make a shortcut through the greenery decorating the side of the road and decide to take a nature walk. Nature helps clear people's minds, right? Puts them at peace?

Normally that'd be true, but the second I try to descend up the rocky hill to catch a glimpse of the view a huge rock comes hurtling toward me. I throw myself out of the way and immediately I'm wondering what the fuck just happened.

"I'm sorry," the person says. The voice says a million things about this person one being, it's a boy's voice. The second being, he doesn't even seem fazed by the fact I almost died. Almost as if me being in the rocks' destructive pathway was more an inconvenience to him.

That's when I look up and realize it's him. The guy from the office.

Go figure, he looks like he'd be into throwing huge rocks off cliffs for no reason. I recognize his voice and the way he dresses.

"You realize people actually take this way heading home," I shout back standing up and dusting myself off.

"Yeah, but then again most people are still in school."

He's smirking, I can sense it. He thinks his comment was smart.

I shrug. I'll never win. This is the type of guy that will go to the ends of the earth to have the last word. Nathan would probably just shut up after a while and let me win.

Why was I comparing Nathan to him?

"You're the one who ditched Principle Taylor's office. At least I made the effort to stay a little longer."

He doesn't answer he just rolls his eyes. That's when I realize I'm staring directly at him. I'm staring directly at a boy I've never met. He's good looking, almost to the point I'm getting more self-conscience by the second. I need to go.

"Okay, well thanks for almost killing me. I'm going to get going." I forced my eyes to look away.

I make my way past him and try to escape. His voice is more distant but still there when he talks again.

"Aren't you gonna ask what I was doing?"

I sigh. I really just wanna go and hide from him.

"Okay," I start defeated. "Why were you throwing rocks off the cliff?" I can just feel how accomplished he feels by getting me to ask.

"I got bored," and the second he says this he smirks because he knows what he's doing. "Plus throwing rocks off cliffs is way funner than getting yelled at by the principle."

This almost makes me smile because he appears so confident and unaware.

"Funner isn't a word genius," I add before turning back around. That's when I allow myself to smile.

I actually wanna look back and take a double take just to see if he's kidding, but I don't. I refuse to look at him. It's a self-conscience thing I've been doing for a long time now. I don't remember how it started, but suddenly I don't remember ever not doing it. I know just by not looking at someone in the eye it doesn't mean they can't see you.

I guess it's the same thing with presenting in class. If you focus on your friend in the corner or the slide you're reading off of you can pretend the crowd isn't there. You can pretend they're not looking at you even though you know they are.

"Yeah, also try not killing anyone while doing it."