"You'll get dizzy."
I looked sideways and was greeted by a pair of brown eyes staring at me. They were soft with concern and warmth; practically begging to be looked at. I wondered if he was really talking about my reading in a moving vehicle when he said I'll get dizzy or he meant something else, because I could feel my head getting lighter and lighter as I look into eyes harder.
I mentioned once in a tv guesting that I really, really like his eyes. It was true. They were heavy-lidded and with them, he looked sleepy all the time, but they have a strange gentleness I grew to love. His irises were an astonishing shade of light brown, and in my head, I call them honey eyes because well, the color. And maybe for some other reason that I refuse to acknowledge.
He fluttered his eyelashes, and I caught my breath in my throat. Now, I'm getting dizzy.
I smiled then looked down at the iPad on my lap. Snap out of it, Nadz."Nagpapaantok lang ako."
"Ohkaaay." His eyebrows shoot up, and his voice faltered a bit on the second syllable. A moment after, his right arm reached for the pillow next to him and held it out to me "Here. Use this."
His gesture made me laugh. It was the first time he ever did something like that. Not that he doesn't show concern or do anything to show his affection; it's just that that was my line, and that is my pillow.
"Wow, thank you ah. Na touch naman ako na you're lending me my pillow." I teased, but I grabbed the pillow anyway.
He bit his lower lip and crinkled his nose. Oh, dear Lord. "Sorry na."
He gave me one last look, then stared outside. End of conversation. Awkward silence. Or maybe, I was the only one feeling uneasy because I never wanted the conversation to end. I wanted him to talk more. I wanted us to engage in a discussion, and never run out of things to say. I wanted to argue about the stupidest things, and agree on the weirdest stuff. I wanted to tell him that I think about him at night, I think about us even when the cameras are off, and I long to feel his touch even when the crowd is gone. But most of the time he seems like a million worlds away although he's just sitting next to me, so I'd rather keep these thoughts to myself, and wait for a miracle, that maybe one day he'll wake up and decide that he'd tell me things I need to hear.
I risked another glance at him before I placed the pillow under the iPad and I continued reading the slam poetry I found. I'm not really much of a reader, but I stumbled upon a video of two people reciting it, and the words sounded beautiful, so I looked for the transcription on the internet. I decided to listen to some music while reading, so I plugged my earphones and tapped 'Shuffle.'
Iniwan ka na ng eroplano, okay lang baby wag kang magbago
I massaged my forehead with my fingers as I pursed my lips to fight a smile.
Dito ka lang humimbing sa aking piling, antukin
Of all the songs in my library, really.
Kukupkupin na lang kita, sorry wala ka nang magagawa
I fiddled with the earphone cord, and before I realized it, my smile had already grown wide. If he looked over, he might think that I have lost it, but what can I do?
Mahalin mo na lang ako nang sobra sobra, para patas naman tayo 'di ba?
"Nadz, you okay?"
My head snapped up, and I found him smiling at me, eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer.
I shook my head and laughed nervously. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure? You're crying."
"What?" I brought my right hand to my cheek and felt fresh, warm tears. I let out another shaky giggle, and wiped my face with the back of my hands. My earphones got unplugged in the process, and I tapped 'pause' on the screen before I kept both the iPad and the earphones in my bag. I looked at him and he still had this worried expression on his face, so I forced a smile as I told him, "Ano ka ba. I'm okay, promise."
