Night Changes: Teen Wolf Vampire AU

Sometimes I️ Feel Like A Motherless Child

It took a lot of convincing for Stiles to finally come home with Scott. Stiles had been afraid of hurting his best friend, despite the fact that his best friend was a werewolf. After he'd gotten a little too close for comfort to killing Theo, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to fully trust himself around anyone again. Also, even after Scott assured him that he could take care of himself, there was still one other concern: Scott's mother. Melissa McCall was still human after all, and he didn't want to hurt her, especially after she'd been like a second mom to him after his own passed away.

Always the optimist, Scott assured Stiles that everything would be alright. Stiles wasn't sure if it was his friend's perpetually positive outlook on life or his own desperation to get out of the sun (though he thinks it was the latter) that convinced him, but either way, he ended up at his best friend's house.

The two hardly spoke to one another on the way there. While Scott had attempted to offer a few words of reassurance, it only made it more abundantly clear that Stiles wasn't exactly in the talking mood.

The first thing that Stiles did when he got there was shower. He didn't care that the blood was gone; he just needed to feel clean again.

He shrugged off his unbuttoned flannel, allowing it to fall to floor before removing the t-shirt that was under it. He removed the rest of his garments before stepping into the shower and turning on the faucet. At first, he just stood there, feeling the hot water spraying his cool skin. He wanted to feel warm, to feel human. Afterward he scrubbed his skin too hard, just wanting to feel clean again, as if he could scrub away the memory of what happened in the bunker.

When he looked down at his feet, he could see red mixed in with the water that moved down the drain. He gasped, before seeing the same blood red on his own hands. No matter how hard he tried to scrub it away, it still stained his skin.

He felt himself then begin to struggle for air, gasping as his lungs were no longer working. Were they even supposed to? He had zoned out for at least half of Deaton's long winded explanation. Either way, it didn't matter as he began to feel an all too familiar tightness in his chest. He felt as if he was going to drown in the very water that poured down from the shower head, but maybe a monster like him deserved to die anyway. If his father knew about the bloodlust, about the urge to kill, would he really still love him? Would Scott ever truly accept him? And God, what would his mother think?

All of these thoughts came flooding at once like the water that began to turn cold, making him aware of the passage of time. He felt like he was going to throw up or pass out. He let himself be aware of the cold water on his skin, connecting him back to reality, after realizing that he was, in fact, having a panic attack. He took deep breaths, focusing on his breathing rather than the voice in his head reminding him that he had lost his humanity.

Eventually, he felt enough control of his own body to turn the faucet off. He exhaled before stepping out of the shower and reaching for a towel. When he dried off and put his clothes on, he tried his best not to think about how he'd inevitably have to go to his Dad's house to get the essentials. After what happened in the woods, he wasn't quite sure how he'd ever face him again.

When he made his way back into Scott's room, Scott looked concerned which was the last thing he wanted. Then again, he couldn't really blame him given how long he was in there.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked.

Stiles nodded, looking at Scott as he stood in the doorframe.

"Yeah. I'm sorry," he said.

Scott shook his head slowly, confused.

"Sorry? For what?" Scott asked.

Stiles broke eye contact with Scott and nervously scratched the back of his neck.