Rinse [manxman]

Chapter Six

"You have a fucking panic attack just lying next to me and you think that you can plunge into enemy territory?"

"It's different! Besides, I haven't even made a decision yet! Once I see the files, I might change my mind."

Dakota snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because you definitely didn't have your mind made up as soon as you said that you'd consider going."

"I won't lie to you. There was a part of me that jumped at the idea, but I knew not to make a hasty decision. I'm compiling facts so I can make an informed choice."

"Not going is the best choice you can make."

"That isn't for you to decide."

"You aren't fit to make that decision for yourself. Blake, you just want to show me that I'm wrong. Whatever, I get that, but if you're going to put your life at risk to do it, I will not allow it."

Anger welled up inside me like a tidal wave. "In case you haven't realized it, you aren't my keeper. You don't decide shit for me, and you don't have the authority to deem how fit I am for making my own decisions."

"This isn't a good idea!"

"We don't know that yet. It depends on what those files say."

"Let's say that Boone is dead. Who's to say that someone else won't capture you? Maybe there is a bigger, meaner person that took his place."

I rolled my eyes. "Then I'll be ready to deal with it, won't I?"

"No, you won't. The only reason you survived Boone was... Hell, I don't even know how you lived. That asshole is a ruthless leech. He didn't want anything but blood and information."

And when you were a spy filled with blood... Well, Raden Boone put me to good use, and I still had the scars to prove it. "He kept me alive, because he thought I had information."

"You did."

I nodded. "He never got it, though." Not much of it, at least. There were a handful of times I'd let something slip just to keep myself from extensive suffering. "If I'm captured again, they still won't get it. I know how to keep my mouth shut."

"It's not information I'm worried about."

"Stop looking at me like I'm some broken toy," I spat. "Boone may have gotten me once. Maybe I still have some trouble with it, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of helping our realm."

"Fine. Let's say that you will go into Qizade and be a spy and all that other stuff. It turns out that you're right, and you handle it well. But then, you bump into an enemy soldier, maybe someone you recognize from last time. You have a flashback. What happens then, Blake? What happens if they recognize you?"

"They won't recognize me."

"How do you know?"

Every time someone other than Boone saw me, I was either soaked in blood or injured beyond recognition. From time to time, one or two soldiers saw me looking somewhat normal, but I'd changed since then. I wasn't as rugged. I bathed regularly. Oh, and I didn't have a vampire attached to me. They would hesitate before identifying me as the spy they captured twenty years ago.

"Trust me, I know. I was there."

"So was I."

"For ten minutes to pull me out of that shithole. You have no idea what happened there."

"Because you won't tell me. I'm not as stupid as you think, Blake, there has to be more to this or you wouldn't act the way you do. Being locked in a cell and tortured occasionally doesn't cause this much—"