Letters to Zach

4

August 14th 2018

Dear Zach,
It's been a week since your funeral and I've been crying myself to sleep ever since you died. The pain is so strong, and I don't know how I'm suppose to move on. How the hell does someone one move on from this type of thing?

Today I finally had a courage to walk into your favorite coffee shop since you died. As soon as I walked in, immediately all the memories of us, came back to me. And it was hard not to turn around and run out the door. It was hard to ask for a booth of one.

For 2 years, I was so used to asking for a booth of two. And to be sitting there alone without you, is so hard. When you were around, our usual order would be for me a large Hot chocolate, and a banana muffin. You would have a black coffee, and a muffin. I hated coffee. I always thought it was gross. But you would always tease me about it. It's funny how I miss you making fun of me.

But today I decided to branch out and change my order up, I got your black coffee. Strangely, it made me feel closer to you for some reason. I felt like you were up in heaven laughing at me for trying coffee for the first time. I could only stand the first few sips before I was unable to stand the taste.

As I was sitting there, I felt like you were with me. As I was sitting there, I felt as if you were rubbing my back. It was weird because even though it's been a month, I feel like it was yesterday that the police officer knocked on my door, came in, sat on my couch and told me you were found dead in my room. I remember that day so well.

Zach, I miss you so much, and I feel like I'll never get through this.

This feeling of sadness is so overwhelming. It feels as if I can't breathe. Every time I inhale, I feel like all the air is sucked out of the room.

Zach, you were the first boy to call me beautiful every day.

I don't know how to live anymore. You knew absolutely everything about me.

Zach, you were not only my boyfriend but my best friend, and when I lost you, I not only lost my boyfriend but my best friend. It's so hard to accept that I lost both my boyfriend, and my best friend. Zachary, why did you leave me? I was counting on forever and now I'll never know! Oh, I miss you and love you so fucking much, it's hurts.

Melissa

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