being lonely | minsung | ✔

43

Another week has passed. Another week without a single word from my parents. Another week of struggling with myself. But despite the struggles still being there, they wandered off to the background, only coming back to chase me every now and then. Overall, I feel much better and I learned to let the pressure drop off my shoulders like rain drizzles off an umbrella. I'm enjoying things now, my mind void of worries and anxiety.

I've hardly been alone, either hanging out with Minho, Hyunjin or the entire friend group at once. For some people, having others around them all day would become suffocating at some point but for me, it makes me feel better than ever.

The loneliness has left my consciousness almost completely. I have an awesome group of friends and the guy I fell for showers me with attention and affection. But it's my crush on Minho that always brings back that tiny speck of loneliness. It sounds stupid, I know that. But after your parents telling you over and over again how being gay is a bad thing, you eventually start to believe it. I hate myself, for falling for a guy.

But I've learned to live with it and I'm enjoying every minute I spend with Minho. As friends.

Right now, Minho and I are in a small park a little stroll away from the older's apartment. The weather is amazing, with the sun shining brightly and a soft breeze gently blowing over the surface. To avoid sun burn, we found a spot in the shadow of a giant tree, where we're both sprawled out on an old blue checkered blanket we messily dropped onto the grass.

While I'm laying on my back, facing the rustling tree branches above us and watching their dance in the soft breeze, Minho lies flat on his stomach, his torso propped up on his elbows as he nibbles on the pocky sticks he brought from home.

"This is so peaceful," Minho mutters, reaching out and sticking a strawberry pocky between my parted lips.

"I know," I reply, taking the pocky stick between my fingers to prevent it from falling down. "Honestly, I could stay here all day and watch the clouds drift by. It's so soothing."

"Ah, watching the clouds has become some kind of tradition, huh?" the older chuckles, biting off the top of a chocolate stick.

"Maybe," I hum in response, glancing past the tree branches to see countless little, fluffy clouds driving through the vast blue sky. "I'm still looking for a cloud that looks like you."

"Like me?" Minho questions, lifting himself up and plopping down next to me, facing the sky as well. "And what kind of cloud are you looking for, then?"

I hum softly, my eyes focused on the clouds that float by as I think of something to compare Minho to.

"Since you compared me to a squirrel, I'm going to compare you to an animal as well," I muse, letting my mind wander over all kinds of animals to compare the older to.

I cast a sideways glance, observing Minho's features with slight awe. His eyes are cast towards the sky, countless specks of light within them. His lips are slightly parted as he breathes softly. The shadows of the swaying tree branches dance over his features.

God, he's so gorgeous.

"A cat," I suddenly blurt out and the other tears his gaze away from the sky to give me a confused look.

"What?" he asks.

"I'm comparing you to a cat," I explain, redirecting my eyes to the clouds in order to find one that resembles a cat.

"Why?"

"You're very cuddly, which reminds me of a certain cat I know," I joke and Minho grins.

"Dori?" he questions and I nod.