Butterfly, Fly away

A night turned bad

To Finn, it was easier being sick. It was easier because nobody ever asked why his eyes were so sunken or why he had chosen not to move from his spot in bed, it was easier because everyone already knew the answer. Nobody ever told him to get up and stop acting so depressed, nobody ever made him turn off his phone or go outside. Being sick was easier on the thought that nobody pestered you on being lazy so quickly. In all honesty, Finn could probably go to regular school and sleep in his own bed and do his own homework and live a normal life! But the nagging headaches and reoccurring blackouts accompanied with such high doses of medicine that should be illegal planted him in his bed at Mary Bridge children's hospital right smack dab in the middle of his tiny town Vancouver, Canada.

The first visit was when he was a week away from being eight years old. Earlier in that morning, he had collapsed at the bus stop and remained unconscious even when the paramedics performed CPR and cracked one of his ribs from the force of their hands trying to revive his slowing heart. Once he was restored, Finn was immediately shoved into tubes and brightly lit rooms. The bad news had come a day before his birthday, Finn was diagnosed with stage two brain cancer. The next day was spent in a silent panic, even the then nine-year-old felt it swallowing his chest slowly.

When Finn had turned eleven he was taken out of school, the principal nor his mother found it necessary to keep him in when he spent more time with the nurse then in class or with his own friends. At first, Finn was devastated but as time grew his muscles only got weaker and before the school year ended he struggled to carry a single textbook, he decided then that he was okay with online schooling.

When he turned twelve, the headaches pulsated throughout his entire skull sometimes making even his fingertips throb along. They then learned that stage two had turned to stage three. When Finn was twelve and a half, his parents divorced because of the stress of his medical condition, Finn sobbed so hard he barfed.

At thirteen, Finn became a permanent resident of Mary Bridge children's hospital. After a terrible cold turned into pneumonia, Finn's oncologist had decided to keep him close. Finn's mom visited every day until she no longer could and needed to stay at work as well as look after Finn's older brother, Nick. Finn's dad had stayed for all of two months after the divorce before kissing his two boys goodbye and moving to California where Finn received a postcard with rushed handwriting every few months.

When Finn was fourteen, he began sleeping most of the day away. Each of his friends visited every day they could seeing as how unlike Finn's mom they had nothing better to do. When he was fourteen and a few months the doctors rushed in after his usual catscan with a gleam of hope in their eyes. Finn's cancer had shrunk! It was still severe but it had shrunk, his mom sobbed and he had just sat there paralyzed.

When he was five weeks from fifteen, his cancer came back stronger than before. Vomiting became a normal thing and a long walk meant walking around the entire floor instead of the entire hospital and the garden. Finn was withering away and he couldn't do anything.

Now he's sixteen, the last time he had been outside was when he was fourteen and able to walk around the garden with a nurse as company. The last time Finn had seen sunshine was only when it streamed through his window, the last time he felt it on his skin was so long ago he couldn't remember. He stayed rooted to his bed, only able to get up every few hours and take a walk around the hospital floor that he was on.

Finn had made quite a bit of friends while he stayed there he mostly made friends with little kids seeing as how he was in a children's hospital. Sometimes when the sun is beginning to set he'll knock on his friends' doors and ask for them to come watch it with him but it's always the same answer, "I'm too tired, " "I have surgery tomorrow, Finn, " "my nurse said no, " "My mom doesn't want me leaving my bed without her." Finn couldn't imagine a world where he couldn't get out of his bed without his mom there, but then again the little boy's mom was always there, she only left to take care of their pets and do some more laundry and pack a new bag. Finn liked his friends, but they never seemed to be able to play. When the day comes that he visits them and instead of greeting them he's met with the janitor cleaning their room, he simply pretends that they went back home, even if the night before he heard screaming sobs and panicked shouts. Finn liked to pretend a lot, he liked to pretend that the three-year-old boy in the room next to him only cried because he wanted more pudding, not because his head felt like it was gonna explode and he was scared. Sometimes, Finn wished he could switch places with him but he never could.