Autumn

Chapter 2

"Autumn, are you awake?" I hear the voice of my mum calling me again.

"I'll be off to work. And remember, that I won't come home till Sunday evening" she adds and my sleepy eyes grow wide.

"Mum, mum wait!" I shout while running out of my bedroom to catch her at the door before she leaves.

"What?" she waits for me.

"I think I should be the one asking 'What' don't you think so? Where are you going this time, mum?" I ask her without really wanting to hear the answer.

"My boss wants me fly to Ireland with some of my co-workers to get some things done" she explains.

Liar.

I just nod. But not in agreement. I don't agree with her for leaving me alone. The nodding is because I know the actual meaning of her explanation. Since my father died 2 years ago she's fucking one or two of her co-workers. But I don't care. I used to care. But not anymore. It's her life, she can fuck who she wants.

The only one who doesn't deserve this is my father. I mean he was an asshole but she loved him. Never understood how this is possible but she really loved him. And now she's fucking her co-workers because she can't bare the loss of him.

Once she brought one of them home because she thought I wasn't there or I was asleep. But I was here. In the room right next to hers. I swear I've been trying to push the memories of the noises I heard out of my head since the night it happened but they don't seem to disappear.

The next morning was the most awkward situation in my whole life. I heard them coming down the stairs while pouring milk in my cereals. My head turned to face the door so I could see who she was having fun with.

He was kissing her neck while she was giggling. They didn't even notice me until I crashed the spoon back into the bowl in my hands.

I still remember their shocked expression. Still funny when I think about it.

Although she probably knows that I know about her actual plans for the weekend she lies to me every single time.

"I've put you some dishes in the fridge. You just have to warm them up in the microwave. And don't forget to make yourself ready for school today" she reminds me like it would be the first time she'd leave me alone on a friday and for the coming the weekend.

I turn my direction and walk the stairs back up as I hear the front door slamming shut.

Alone. Again.

I let my hair out of the strong braids I did yesterday to make my hair curly. My hands ruffle through my hair to put a bit more volume in it. As I look at myself in the mirror while putting on my make-up I lift the blouse of my school uniform to look at my tummy. My hands automatically move down to my hip bones. I love to feel them sticking out. A smile crosses my face.

The grey colour of my uniform catches up with my mood while I walk to the bus station. My headphones flush my head with music.

"When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place.

When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me"

The bus drives the same road as everyday and eveyday I prepare myself for a girl from my school which is going to talk to me the whole drive without noticing that I really don't care about her life. Even though I'm wearing my headphones she talks uninerrupted. It's like she's ignoring them on purpose.

"Hey Autumn!" she squeals after entering the bus.

"Can I sit here?" her hand gestures to the place next to me where my school bag sits and bears me company. Without saying one word or even changing my expression I take the bag from the seat and allow her to sit down.

"Have you heard of Laura and Mike?", she asks with her high pitched voice.

And there it goes...

A deep breath escapes my mouth and I begin to count the minutes until we'll arrive at school.

First lessons: Spanish

Cómo exelente!

It's not that I'm bad in spanish classes. It's just like in every other class. I'm only going to do something for things I'm intersted in. And learning spanish isn't one of these things.

"Y recordad al examen en la semana que viene!" our teacher says as all of the students leave the room. In an ocean of blue and grey uniforms they hurry to the cafeteria to eat their breakfast.

My eyes scan down my body and stop at my shoes. They're the same pair as the ones I wore in my dream last night. Everything from my dream flashes back into my mind. Me, standing close to the edge and waiting to be ready to jump. I remember the smile I had on my face as I was falling to the ground and I remember the shocked expression on their faces.

Most people would call it a nightmare but I would call it good dream to remember.

"Autumn!" somebody screams my name thoughout the whole building.

"Don't you want to come with us and eat something?" Nash asks.

I shake my head in confusion. I hadn't realized that stood here for the past minutes looking at my feet and thinking about my dream.

"Sure" my answer comes out as a whisper.

"Sure!" I repeat louder this time.