BREATHE

Chapter 22

"Hey," he says and I want to slap him. I want to slap him for coming outside, for talking to me, for being so close. For his low voice, his seductive eyes, his good looks. I want to slap him, scratch him, hit him, but I remain on my spot.

"Hey."

"I didn't know, you'd be here tonight," Luis says and pushes his hair back. It starts drizzling and I watch a few drops falling onto his dark blue shirt that emphazises his abs and pecks. Even the small waves of his abdominal are prominent through the fabric, letting you surmising the muscles beneath his shirt.

I want to be mean to him, but he makes it inconceivable impossible for me to be not nice. "I didn't know, you'd be coming either."

We move a little backwards to stand under the canopy and Luis comes dangerously close so that I feel my heartbeat speading up already.

"It's good to see you," he says with his eyes peering into mine. I merely noticed how petrified my body became until Luis leans in and I know, if I don't move now, he'll kiss me. As much as I want to kiss him too, for once my vanity wins over my lust and I turn my head sideways.

Luis backs away and locks his eyes with mine. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this anymore," I finally spit the words, not meeting his eyes. He takes a small step backwards and I let out the air, I was holding in my lungs.

"Do what?"

"This casual-whenever-you-want-messing-around-thing. I don't like it. It's not who I am," I ramble.

"Woah, hold on here. Where is this coming from? I thought, you'd like us together," Luis replies puzzled.

"I did, but I just don't want to be one of the many anymore. It doesn't feel right."

"So what do you want to do then? Avoid me for the rest of your life?" He sounds indignant and it's slightly daunting.

"Maybe, we could just go back to be friends again," I suggest with an unsteady tone in my voice.

"We've never been friends." Ouch.

"We could become friends then." I try it this way again.

"I don't know. I don't think I can just be friends with you. I know you don't want this either." He's right, absolutely effing right. I want more from him. More and more, and I wonder when, and if ever, my eyes will stop drinking up his appearance, and if my yearning for him has boundaries, and if my longing for his touch will ever end?

"You're not really helping here," I tell him without a tremor.

"Are you asking me for something serious?"

"No! No! I don't want you," I blurt, realizing all too late how that sounds. My cheeks may glow bright red already anyway. "I mean...I didn't mean that I want to be in a relationship with you or anything," I hastily fish for the right words, trying to make the best out of it. Even I got that by now that Luis isn't the boyfriend-type of guy.

"You not?" He gives me that crooked smile and I know he's just joking, but there is something else that tells me no matter what comes next, it will finally clarify things between us. Either of us has it in their hands. The question is, who starts first?

Luis wants to add something when suddenly Ana appears in the scenario. "Zoe! Here you are hiding! God. I was looking for you everywhere!" she complains and before I realize it, I'm dragged away from Luis by Ana's hand pulling my arm.

Life plays an unfair game with me.