BREATHE

Chapter 29

"I'm so glad, exams are over," I breathe out in relief. At least my studies are not affected by the bothersome emotional trouble I'm going through at the moment. Still, I can't believe Ana convinced me attending the final party before semester break. Ana left me an hour ago, god knows where she scarpered to, but I feel no good as I sit next to Emma on the edge of the massive fountain and a hunch of qualms occurs to me.

"Me too." Emma smiles, scribbling down last formalities for the examination board. The smell of barbecued meat and buttered corns wafts through the air and an unknown garage band enters the little stage, coaxing screeching noises from their instruments. I'm well aware of my unsettled mind and shifting eyes as I take in my surroundings.There are not too many people here, probably because of the bad weather.

"What are your summer plans?" I ask Emma after I told her about my plans to go surfing later today. I'm not sure if I can still go out when I stare at the brewing storm slowly approaching.

"I'll do some voluntary work and start my internship," she tells me, "By the way, they're looking for another intern, so if you want to..."

All of a sudden my thoughts are diverted and there is no halt as I'm completely zoning out. The world around me turns utterly quiet. The only sound left; my blood, streaming with too much force and an unhealthy speed straight into my ears when Luis appears within my view.

It's become unbearably hard to be around him. For the last two weeks in Paris, I was doing well and I was okay. And now in a blink of an eye, he is all I think about.

"Oh, shit! I need to go, Emma. I'm sorry, but I can't stay," I rush panicked. Luis didn't see me yet, so I could easily leave without anyone noticing.

"Why? What's going on?" Emma gazes in confusion at me, trying to read my thoughts, it seems. I glance over at Luis. He leans against a wall, dragging dangerously slow on his cigarette as a group of girls walks past him and Fred. They aren't subtle about checking the boys out, but moreover they literally stare at Luis, and not because he's smoking on campus, no because he's hot. It makes me feel annoyed and jealous.

Emma's green eyes bore into mine and I bite my bottom lip. I dare one last glance and regret it in the same second when I see Jessica in front of Luis and Fred. There is this vile growing in my throat while all the encounters I had with Luis come to my mind again. I bite harder down on my lip, almost tasting blood already.

"Zoe, you're worrying me. What's going on?"

My eyes meet Emma's concerned one's and I feel my shield crumbling down. I'm torn between opening up and inventing a lie that would bring me out of this hell of a campus party.
For no reason, I peer over to Luis again. He laughs at something Jessica says and I'm instantly reminded of what Ana told me about the two hooking up.

My hands begin to sweat and my body feels as if tied up in knots. I look back into Emma's kind eyes and surely, I've never met anyone whose eyes could give away more comfort than hers, and then I find myself trusting her.

I tell her that Luis and I somehow ended up making out, how it began with the first kiss in the gym. "I wanted to stop whatever was going on between us, but then Luis promised not to mess around with anyone else," I explain and even reveal the reason why we had a huge fight and how he left my house afterwards. I tell Emma about what he said to me when I wanted to talk with him and came to the harbour. Emma's eyes are big as I inform her about the fact that Luis never stopped hooking up with girls. In this case Jessica, as I found out later. I feel that arche coming back and crushing my chest when I think about Ana telling me how she saw Jessica leaving Luis' room in the morning, wearing his clothes. "He doesn't even care how much he hurt me. He's the most callous person I've ever met."

Emma carefully listens to every word I say, and then I even admit how badly I wish to go back in time and never would have given him access to me.

"Do you understand now why I need to go?" I ask desperately.
"Yeah, I understand, but, Zoe,-"
"I really need to go now, Emma," I repeat, already collecting my stuff from the ground.
"Yeah, but, Zoe, Zoe," Emma calls with an alarming tone in her voice.
"What?" I stare at her, fully on edge.
"I'm afraid it's too late," she says quietly and her eyes motion to the side, giving me collywobbles.

Reluctantly, I follow her sight and discover what I should have foreseen to be happening when I agreed on coming to the campus party. My mind gets a full blow by a whiplash of overwhelming emotions when my eyes meet Luis' in the near distance. I freeze as I stare at him.

I feel my stomach knotting more, my heart sinking deeper and my cheeks flushing redder, but most of all; I feel weak under his gaze at me. He straightens and finishes off his cigarette as though he is coming over any second.

I used to think that I would be in complete bliss by being in his presence, but all I feel right now is the need to flee without looking back.

"No," I almost whisper, shaking my head, "It's not too late." I tear my gaze away and almost run towards the other end of the campus; as far as I can get away from Luis. Never have I been so happy to step onto my board and skate down the streets. Only when I'm one hundred percent sure I'm out of reach for him, I feel a bit of weight dropping from my chest.

My thoughts are still an untangled web and my heart pumps blood through my veins way too fast when I call Chris.

"Hey girl, thought you're celebrating the end of your first year in college," he answers immediately.

"I was, but it became a bit boring."

"Oh, I see. Wanna come to the Beach Wreck? I'm experimenting with cocktails and Billy says they are good, so you should come. I'd love to hear your opinion."

"Sounds good, maybe later." I waste no more time asking Chris, "I was wondering if I could lend one of your short-boards?"

"You want to go out now?" Surprise overpowers his voice.

"Ya, I'm feeling like hitting the waves."

"I don't think it's a good idea, Zoe. The sea is pretty rough and they warned to go out today. It's highly recommended to stay away from the surf spots." If he would know that his warning only awakes more interest...

"I'll just have a look and see how it is," I assure him.

"Okay, well, be careful and don't go out if it's too windy. Promise?"

"I promise," I say, two fingers crossed behind my back. "Thanks, Chris! Bye!"

The second I enter the beach a lightning strikes, cutting through the mist of dull greyness. It's a strengthening roar of vengeful thunder with an aim for terror. I check my cell phone, I have almost two hours left until dusk.

I'm standing at the shore, staring at the rough sea and feeling the cold wind as the threatening storm clouds billow upon the churning water. The sky is a deep grey, not allowing any sunlight pushing past its ominous wall of thunderstorm. I watch the waves rising, only before they crash fiercely against the sharp rocks. There is some sense of freedom in the vast expanse and I feel adrenaline piling up within my veins. I lift my surfboard, carrying it under my arm. Taking a deep breath, I replace sanity with recklessness and don't hesitate any longer when I dash into the raging sea.