A Beginning To An End

March

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicidal ideation and talks about death.

Stephanie paced the floors of her living room. She didn't know why she was feeling like this, telling her daughter that she was going to have a sibling couldn't be that hard. She had been waiting for her to wake up from her nap. She didn't feel like this when she was going to tell her earlier before her nap. The feeling of nervousness was looming around her the longer she had to wait for her daughter to wake up.

As if on cue, she heard the sound of little feet stepping on the squeaky floor board that Sebastian had promised to fix but never got to. She saw her daughter round the corner and said, "Hi sweetheart."

She smiled and hugged her leg, "Hi Mommy."

Stephanie smiled back at her, "How was your nap?"

Vivian said, "Good. Mommy, can I have a snack?"

She nodded, "Of course."

As they walked back towards the living room with their snacks in their hands, she said, "Sweetheart, now that you have your snack, mommy needs to talk to you."

Stephanie walked them towards the couch and sat down. After they both were settled, she spoke, "I know we have been through a lot lately, but I wanted to tell you that you are going to have a little brother or sister. Mommy is going to have a baby."

Vivian quickly hugs her mother, smiling.

Relief washed over her as she felt her daughter hug her. She was caught off guard by her next question as the hug stopped, "Where's daddy at? I miss him."

Tears welled in her eyes as Vivian crawled into her lap. She caressed her daughter's cheek, "Remember sweetheart, daddy got hurt and he went to heaven."

She nodded, "Can we go visit him?"

The tears broke free and rolled down her cheeks. She said, "No Vivi, we can't. I wish we could."

A couple of days later, it was an hour to showtime, and Stephanie was in her dressing room. She was sitting on the couch looking at the picture she had of Sebastian and Vivian on the coffee table. Her conversation with her daughter had been weighing on her mind. She said, "Oh Seb, why did you have to leave us?"

She didn't realize that she had tears rolling down her cheeks as she laid down on the couch. That is how Teal found her ten minutes later, oblivious to the world around her.

Teal sat down on the floor near Stephanie's head when she didn't get a response from her crying friend. She spoke softly, "What's wrong, Steph?"

She heard her voice, but she didn't look at her, "I always told him that he was supposed to take me with him if he ever left me, but he didn't, he left me here."

Teal, confused, said, "Who? Sebastian?"

Stephanie nodded, "I want to be with him."

She said, "You don't mean that. I know you're hurting right now, but you have to be strong for you and Vivi. And the new baby."

She paused, "He may not be here physically, but he'll always be here for you. You'll always have him in your heart."

She got Stephanie to sit up as she saw her nod again. She sat on the couch next to her and wrapped her in a hug. After she heard a quiet thank you, she said, "You're welcome Steph. I'll be here for you."