Sunshine filtering through the blinds slowly flooding the whole room with light while the birds begin chirping louder outside, and you are lying in bed soaking in all the positive energy after a restful night's sleep.
"Today, I have a purpose" you think to yourself. You smile at this. The realization that for once, your smile is not fake, makes you smile brighter still.
Beaming, you scroll through the feed on your favorite social media while the bread toasts and coffee trickles into the pot. There is nothing of much importance to accomplish today beyond treating yourself to a haircut and picking up a few groceries for your family of 5's dinner tonight. The kids always loved your casserole, or so you thought. They just seem to have so much fun spending time at your ex-husband's new house, where he would treat them to Papa John's whenever it was his time for visitation. The kids would hem and haw about how bland the casserole was and how they preferred pizza and you just thought it too greasy to serve for dinner and you try not to let it get to you and... you brush the thought away and remember the birds singing outside your window. Today will be a good day!
You arrive to your hair appointment and tell Cindy you would just like the usual trim. You feel as if your hair is too brittle these days to manage a long hairstyle, so you make do with the soccer mom cut. Orange and blonde highlighted chin-length hair. Longer in the front, shorter in the back, teased and hairsprayed on top. Cindy finishes trimming your hair, so you tip her a generous $10 and make your way back to the chevy traverse.
"Kmart list... Kmart list... hmm..." one hand on the wheel and another fumbling about with your Coach "ah! Got it." as you turn into the parking lot of the supermarket, you pull out a chicken scratch grocery list and crumple it into your pants pocket "now I can finish my errands and get back to watching Desperate Housewives.."
Halfway through the list, you arrive in the produce section. The hunt for organic red potatoes commences.
You hunt and hunt... but to no avail.
"I just want to get home and watch Desperate Housewives before I start this damn casserole!" you think, literally shouting in your head.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
And hell hath even less fury like a woman whose organic potatoes are out of stock.
Stomping loudly, a grimace on your face and hips swinging every which way, you make your way to the cash registers.
A line stretching out into the aisles. A single cashier ringing out items one by one.
Your first victim.
Because this is clearly such a very urgent issue, you plow through the single-file line, steamrolling a young child who was eyeing the candies in the process.
No matter.
You are now towering before an languid cashier who is being paid $7.25 per hour to listen to your problems.
The employee does not look bewildered enough so you place your hand on your hip, lean in, clear the phlegm from your crusting throat, and grunt, "Excuse me."
"Hi! What is the problem ma'am?" they respond, trying not to mutter the words while wearing their customer service face.
You retort:
"Ahem. I came here after my hair appointment to buy some ingredients for my casserole. I was in the produce aisle, but the only red potatoes I could find were NON-ORGANIC. I would like some help with this immediately. Thank you."
Much to your disgust, the lowly cashier replies "I'm really sorry ma'am, but we just ran out of our only brand of organic potatoes. But we do get shipment tonight"
That is it. You have been through enough stress today and feel as though you are entitled to some god damn organic potatoes. Luckily, you have yet to reveal your whole hand. And this pitiful human has just triggered your trap card. You look them dead in the eye, and say,
"Let me speak to your manager."
End
