If only... (Phan)

Chapter 1

Dan had been neglected his whole life. He was a happy child when he was young. He was free. But then came school. Then came the other children.

He had always wished to be free. To be his own person. To be a being that existed outside of the norms of society. To be someone who helped people, who actually was liked. But he was none of that. 

At least not to him.

Dan was drowning, and there was nobody at the shore to save him. 

Dan had been bullied for the past 8 years of his life. The only memories he has of school are negative.

He is sick of waking up with a pit of dread in his stomach.

Why are humans wired to be mean? Why do they have to judge? Why does the world have to be so mean?

And more importantly, why do some have to be wired wrong?

Dan hears his alarm go off and he groans. He slowly rises and rubs his eyes. Sleep was his only freedom. His only freedom from the world. From the teasing, the sadness, the secrets and lies. The only escape from the blank eyes and the scarred arms. The only escape from the voices in his head. 

The only escape from life.

Except of course...

No.

Dan has thought of that. He has even come close. But never close enough. He has always been too scared.

He knew he was worthless. That was what the voices told him

Dan looked out of the window. The sky was still black. But it would lighten up as the sun rose. 

He wouldn't.

Dan clambered out of bed and began his morning routine. 

He spent half an hour trying to straighten his hair, in the end just giving up completely. What was the point. The threw on a pair of black skinny jeans and a hoodie and headed downstairs. 

Nobody else was awake yet, considering it was six am. He would make a short detour to the beach on his way to school and let the cool winter sea breeze play with his mind. Anyway, the beach was right out the front of their house. And if he left early he didn't have to speak to any of his family, and could take his time.

He grabbed his bag and walked out the door, gently closing it behind him. The cool wind froze his hands, but it didn't bother him. He shoved his hands in his pocket and started walking.

He liked this time of day because there was nobody around. It was like he was the only one on earth, and that was the way he liked it.

He crossed the road and walked down the little path through the bushes. Soon he emerged onto the beach. He removed his old, worn sneakers and left them where the sand met the grass. He loved the feeling of the sand beneath his feet. He walked towards the water and stopped just before the waves. 

He closed his eyes.

He functioned best this way. Without seeing. He could really feel things, and really appreciate them without the sight of it getting in the way.