"If I don't say this now, I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate"
A Billy Hargrove fan-fiction.
1984 Hawkins, Indiana
17 year old Olivia moves to Hawki...
When I woke up Billy was sitting beside my bed on the floor. My head was pounding and I looked to see that it was nearly noon.
"Holy shit you finally woke up," he turned around sitting on his knees and brushing the hair from my face.
"My head is throbbing," I whispered.
"I know baby, I'm sorry." He looked down at me with sad eyes and locked his eyes with mine.
"Billy, you've got to be to work in 20 minutes." I sat up and immediately became dizzy.
"I know I just wanted to make sure you were going to wake up." He kissed my forehead and I winced.
"See you later?" I asked him and he nodded. He kissed me goodbye and headed out.
I laid back down and passed back out. I began to dream and it already felt so vivid. I saw Billy walk out of the locker rooms in his red shorts. His whistle hanging around his neck with his necklace that he only ever took off to shower.
He flicked the cigarette he was smoking and walked slowly over to his lifeguard chair. He walked past four older women and I recognized Mike's mom. He looked over at her with a smirk playing in his lips.
"Dig the new suit Karen," I heard him say but it was muffled and my gut wrenched a little.
He kept walking over to the chair where he swiftly climbed up and peered out over everyone. But he was looking at her as he seductively placed the whistle between his teeth. I wanted to scream but I knew no one would hear me. Then it flashed to his lips crashing against hers as they peeled their clothes off.
He was soon pounding into her as he panted. I felt empty and then I woke up. My room was dark and quiet. There was no sign of Billy so he hadn't stopped here. My head pounded and I was dizzy but I got up and stumbled down the stairs. I walked by my parents in the living room then through the kitchen.
I walked to Billy's because I had to know if my dream was right or if I was crazy. I let myself in and quietly walked upstairs to his room. He was standing in front of his mirror fresh out of the shower with a towel over his waist. His new tattoo glistened covered in water drops. It was of a skull smoking a cigarette on his right shoulder.
"What are you doing here?" He asked looking disappointed to see me.
"Just wanted to see you," I shrugged off his question and scanned him up and down. My eyes halted at the red lipstick smeared on his neck that he forgot to scrub away. My heart dropped and my body went numb as the adrenaline coursed through my veins.
"You should be resting, you have a concussion." He slipped into his boxers and lit a cigarette sitting on his bed.
"You should learn to scrub lipstick off a little better if you don't want your girlfriend finding out." I didn't yell and I didn't run. I stood with a blank look on my face as the tears streamed down my cheeks. He looked in the mirror at his neck and guilt washed over his face.
"Liv," he put his cigarette out and got dressed in his red button up and blue jeans. I knew he thought I was going to run out but truth be told I couldn't move. The pain paralyzed me and made me numb in that moment. He walked over to me and went to embrace me and I put my hand up.
"Don't. Touch. Me." I said exaggerating every word.
"Can we talk at least babe?" He begged and I felt more tears drip down my cheeks.
"Don't call me babe, or baby, or princess. You don't mean it." I looked down at the floor for a moment and back up at him.
"I know I fucked up." His voice cracked and my heart broke even more.
"I'm sorry I wasn't good enough Billy. I'm sorry that I couldn't fulfill all of your burning needs. Most importantly I'm sorry I loved you with no regrets because I sure have them now. I'm sorry for everything. But this right here right now is the end." I looked into his eyes with my voice cracking and mascara beginning to stain my cheeks. Tears pricked his eyes and his lip trembled.
"You promised you wouldn't leave," his voice almost child like as he tried to hold back his tears but one escaped.
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"And you promised you wouldn't break my heart. Congratulations Billy Hargrove you've destroyed me." I turned away slowly leaving him there unable to move begging me and crying as I walked away.
A small part of me now had hatred for Billy. But it was the kind that stemmed from pain. As soon as I got outside the sobs hit me. I didn't want to feel anything.
