The Nymph of Versailles

Chapter 36

1681

The convent looked stark and uninviting compared to Versailles. She could not picture Louise toiling away inside. And yet ever since Madame de Sévigné talked about her visit to Louise, Athénaïs hadn't been able to get her old rival out of her mind. She needed to see Louise for herself. See what became of her and if Athénaïs had any chance at happiness without the king's love.

She waited for Louise inside, unsure of what to expect. Would Louise be angry she'd come? Would she gloat over the way things ended for both of them? When she appeared with her hobble making her figure unmistakable, Athénaïs couldn't help but to let out a cry of shock. She barely recognized her. Her clothes were so plain and harsh compared to her old court garb. The lines and crinkles around her mouth and eyes were left uncovered by the cosmetics she once wore. Louise sank onto her knees to salute the crucifix and said a short prayer before approaching Athénaïs.

"You are the last visitor I expected to receive," Louise said as she stopped two paces away. Her gaze scanned over Athénaïs's dress. The corner of her mouth twitched.

Seeing Louise was like having a ghost walk out of the past. A ghost who'd never stopped haunting her. The simple clothes didn't fit her pretty blonde locks, not compared to the silk dresses she once wore at court. Her unassuming appearance matched the humble surroundings. Here there would be no pressure for Louise to step out of her wallflower role.

"I've never been able to forget you. Your friends still blame me for your misfortune." Athénaïs took a step closer, filling the gap between them.

"They are wrong because this life is not a misfortune. I've finally found peace with myself and that's all I ever wanted. Clinging to the king was a misfortune, but not this life." She spoke without any bitterness and Athénaïs marveled at it. Louise's voice lowered. "I pity you, Athénaïs. I've heard about your pain. You've lost the king like I once did. He's no longer yours." A spark of triumph entered her eyes, only to fade away and be placed with sorrow that dragged the corners of her lips down.

Athénaïs let out a deep breath. The king shredded her heart too much for anger to seep into the cracks. "You're right. He's grown tired of Madame Fontanges, but I cannot escape Madame Maintenon. The king doesn't loathe me yet, but there is no physical affection. His visits are short and even my children prefer their old governess to me. Some days I can't help but to wonder if he ever truly loved either of us."

Louise gave a slow shake of her head. "You and Louis stabbed me in the heart more times than I can count, but you should have known you'd be in my place eventually." She stared at Athénaïs's dress, a hint of envy in her gaze. Her fingers twitched as if she wanted to touch the fine silk.

Athénaïs wondered if Louise's words were true, or a clever ruse to get one last shot at revenge.

"How is he? Louis?" Her eyes scrunched in worry. "I still think of him often no matter how much I try to forget him."

"I wish I could say he is the same as ever, but it's not so. He is not the man of romance and adventure he once was. He is no longer the man either of us loved."

Louise gave a grim nod. "I've heard he's much changed from the man I knew. You should leave court. Hanging on won't make the pain any easier to bear. Get it over with. You'll find peace quicker and have less regrets." She folded her hands and pressed them against her chest with a look of melancholy. "My biggest regret is clinging to Louis for so long."

"It's good to see you doing so well here. It suits you." Despite the clothes, Louise carried a look of peace Athénaïs never saw on her at court. The same old pang of envy flared up inside her. "You really are content here, aren't you?"

"Yes. It would be a lie to say I didn't struggle at first." Her hand strayed to the crucifix around her neck. "The first few weeks were a shock after becoming so accustomed to the luxury of court. But I don't have to spend each day being judged by hundreds of eyes or worry about what was being said about me. I focus on my duties and my soul." The skin around her eyes crinkled as she searched for the right words. "To let go of the king has given me freedom I don't know how to explain. Like a large boulder was lifted off my chest." She raised her gaze to the ceiling, her lips moving in a silent prayer.

Her envy burned hot, threatening to consume her. Athénaïs took a step back. "I should go. I don't want to keep you and I heard your daughter plans to visit you today."

"Feel free to come back another time. And remember"—her eyes darkened— "you'd be a fool to return to court. You'll find no peace there."

She backed up further, eager to escape. Louise's words felt too bitter to be meant in good faith. "I'll keep your words in mind. Goodbye." The farewell came out in a rush as she turned for the door, taking note of the way her footsteps echoed in the too-quiet space. How did she look through Louise's eyes? Like a pitiful whore perhaps? By the time she reached the carriage she couldn't stop her sniffles. For all their bickering over the years, neither she nor Louise had won and once again she felt like chasing after what Louise already had. The realization weighed her shoulders down and made her mouth go dry. Her victory over Louise hadn't been a victory after all.

She rested her head in her hands, her heart jumping between despair, anger and envy. The pent up energy made her want to run, but her shoes and skirts would never allow it. One hand fumbled for the curtain to hide her shame, but it didn't matter. No one would pay much attention to her passing carriage. Those days were gone.

*

"She's dead. Died at the convent from some illness," Gabrielle said as she watched Athénaïs finish dressing for the day in a silver gown.

Athénaïs froze, a strip of silver ribbon dangling from her fingers. "Madame Fontanges?"

"Yes. The king visited her in her last hours and cried. She said she was happy to see him cry for her. That was all the girl had to comfort her. Her greatest achievement. How pitiful."

"I'm surprised he had the heart to shed tears after the way he treated her at the end." She clasped the red ribbon around her neck. "The older I get the more convinced I am he grows more selfish and doesn't truly love his mistresses. Fontanges should have known better than to think he loved her. I'm surprised he visited her."

"Her death is bringing up more poison gossip. There are already fingers pointing at you blaming you for her death."

She ran a finger over the ribbon. "The king knows I'm innocent. I was nowhere near Fontanges. No one with any intelligence would think I could have poisoned her."

Gabrielle leveled her gaze on her sister. "If you aren't afraid of the accusations, then why are you building a new house and your own convent?"

She stepped away from her toilette. "One day I will leave court and when I do I need somewhere to go. Clagny is too close to the palace."

"I fear your visit with Louise inspired the new building. She didn't put any silly ideas into your head, did she?" Gabrielle clasped her hands and watched her sister in the same pose their mother used to use before lecturing them.

"No. She's found happiness at the convent. I'd rather have somewhere to retire to than have to become a nun." Her shoulders sagged. "My time is over, Gabrielle. I don't want to keep fighting and holding on like Louise did at the end. I want to build a home. A place where I can find peace the way Louise found it at her convent."

Gabrielle relented. "I won't stop you. But if you can't defeat Maintenon, her position will be secure as royal mistress."

"I know." She stared down at her hands. "The king didn't even invite me on the trip to Flanders. Everyone in the queen's household is going except me. He's made himself clear."

Gabrielle laid a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"I've tried everything. I can't win. All I can do now is wait and see how everything plays out. I'll look after myself. I don't need the king anymore and I'll prove it to myself." Her words rang hollow to her own ears.