The Nymph of Versailles

Chapter 38

"I don't want to talk about that day. I'm ashamed of myself and I don't know what came over me," Athénaïs told her sister. "Does the whole family really expect me to go pay my respects to her?" Athénaïs shifted on the hard garden bench, her shoulders hunched. The gardens at Petit-Bourg couldn't compare to any of the palace gardens, but being outside gave her an escape from all the nagging relatives. She had nightmares over her last encounter with the king. Just thinking about what she'd done made her shudder.

"It would embarrass the family not to. Maintenon is the king's wife now, even if it was a secret ceremony. It would look poor if you did not visit. Everyone else in the family already has."

She shook her head. "I can't show my face there. How could the king ever forgive me for what I did? I always feared losing my reputation once the king was through with me, but I never knew I needed to fear losing my very self." She stared down at her dirt-covered hem. With how much time she spent wandering the gardens, her skirts would be as mud as cloth by the end of the week. She didn't care. What was the point of caring when she didn't need to look nice for court?

"It could garner you favor with the king. Show him you aren't too proud. It will help him forgive you and then when he tires of Maintenon..."

"You know my time is over. If he really has married her there will be no getting rid of her and I refuse to stay at court."

"The family is worried. They are afraid the way you acted will cost us."

She heaved a sigh. Like a fool she took the bait, unable to give up on keeping the king or worrying over her family. "Fine, I will go tomorrow if it gets everyone to leave me alone about it, but know seeing him rips my heart to shreds. I hope you will all finally understand there is nothing I can do to change his mind." She hesitated before adding, "I wish you would come with me."

Gabrielle shook her head. "I'm sorry but you need to face this alone. Remember to walk away with dignity. Do this and I will make sure no one asks you to visit him again." She rested a hand on top of hers. "No matter what know I am proud of you. To keep the king as long as you did, no other woman could have dreamed of so many years. And all the positions and gifts you got for our family, we all owe you."

"I've already destroyed my ability to walk away with dignity." She reached over the side of the bench to pluck a flower. "I don't understand why he chose her. She is a zealot when it comes to saving the king's soul, but she is a hypocrite. Taking my place proves she was never a saint."

Gabrielle stood up. "No one understands why he chose her. The nobility are just as confused as us. It's a mystery only the king knows the answer to and he seems to be the only one who likes her. Come inside and put yourself together. You need to look your best for the visit."

*

Athénaïs kept her word on the visit. She put on a robe of silver and gold for the occasion. Bold colors didn't match her mood. After her maid readied her, she inspected her outfit. Her middle bulged in places it hadn't when she first began her affair with the king. Her dress wasn't the same size as back then either. She ran her hands over her sides, adding her weight gain to her long list of regrets. Maybe if she hadn't gained so much the king's attraction to her wouldn't have disappeared. There were a lot of what ifs she'd never have answers to.

"Are you ready to break your fast, my lady?" her maid asked.

"No thank you. I think I will skip eating this morning." She doubted all the butterflies twirling around inside her stomach would let her keep any food down. "I want the carriage readied. I'd rather get this today over with as fast as I can."

By the time she arrived her whole body trembled in fear. But Gabrielle was right. If she wanted to regain the king's favor this would be the first step, and after their last parting she needed to repair their relationship. She didn't want the king to do away with her pension. When she entered the palace her knees threatened to knock together and it was all she could do to steady her legs.