No More Illusions [Loki Laufeyson Fan-fiction]

5. ad perpetuam memoriam

Pain had consumed him far too much. There was no escaping it now. Loki shut his eyes as he recalled what Thor had asked of him to do. Yet, it was far too much for him to bear. The back of his eye-lids burned at the sudden contact, and he clenched his fingers as tightly as he possibly could. His knuckles were turning blue with the strong grip; yet the pain did not subside. Loki’s pain was too great for anything physical to alter his thoughts.

Reeva – his Reeva was dying.

His breath hitched. Was there no answer that could come his way? Was there nothing that could relieve him of this pain? “Ever since you walked into my life, you have caused me nothing but pain,” Loki told the walls, thinking that it would somehow reach Reeva. There was no reply.

“Why must you torture me this way?” There was no reply.

“This ordeal is far too difficult for me to travel alone, Reeva,” Loki stopped talking once he heard his voice hitch at the end. He was no weak by any means. And his only weakness was leaving the world. He heard footsteps come down toward his direction and he knew right away from the tread of the person that it was Frigga.

“Here to celebrate?” Loki asked sarcastically, not even looking up to see his mother’s face. Frigga almost recoiled upon seeing him, Loki’s face was dry and pale – like he was denied water for days. His lips were equally dry and chapped, but that did not bother her at the moment.

Loki’s hands were trembling. They never tremble.

“Loki, did you send Thor away?” Frigga asked and this caused Loki to stir. How could she come down here to ask him of such a dreaded task? She should have known he would never do something that dark. Not to Reeva.

“Do not tell me you are here to persuade me to kill Reeva-“”It is not considered killing if it is something she wanted, Loki! She suffers as we speak! Unless, you want her nightmares to kill her!”

Loki snapped toward Frigga and his eyes narrowed dangerously. They were teary and red, yet Frigga stood her ground. This was her son. “I would rather have her nightmares end her life than make my hands dirty!” Frigga did not say a word after that. She waited. She waited for God knows what, she simply wanted a sign. A sign, that gave her an answer on how to approach her son.

“If you were in her shoes, you would expect her to run along and do the deed.” Loki’s eyes widened momentarily. Did his mother just compare him to Reeva? She knew this was wrong.

“I cannot bring myself to do it, mother…You cannot understand how hard-“”Oh Loki, you are not the only soul in the world who has fallen in love with another!” Loki shut his eyes.

Ah yes, love.

This was the first time he accepted it in front of someone else. Never before had he told or mentioned to his mother that he was in love with Reeva, yet when his lover’s death was close he found no other way – no other path that could give him much required solace. Loki loved Reeva. And that brought him pain.

“It is because I am aware of how strong your love is for her that I am willing to help you! So is Thor-“”Thor knows nothing!” Loki snapped, not liking how his mother brought him up in the conversation. Frigga would have laughed if this were any other situation. But now was not the time.