Until When? [JIHAN]

Until when?

It's been a year Jeonghan. But I'm still here. Stuck in the past. When you're happy with him.

I thought I found my ever lasting love with you.. but then you fell for someone else.

One day you're really sweet and then the other day it seems like you don't even know I exist.

I wanted to ask why did you became cold so suddenly but soon after I found out why. I knew the reason why so fast I thought it was just a dream. You fell for someone else..

And that someone is our bestfriend.

How come I didn't know? How come I didn't notice there was something going between you two? Why did you do that to me?? What did I do wrong? Do I deserved this? I have lots of questions but none of those were answered. You just told me we're off and never spoke with me again. But you know what's funny? It's confusing me, but I sometimes caught you staring at me with sadness in your eyes or it's just me?? Maybe you're not staring at me. I don't know anymore. All I know is it still fucking hurts Jeonghan. And for your information I'm still crying every night even though it's been already a year. I know we're already through and nothing can change that .. because I see how happy you are with him, did I even made you smile and laugh like that? I doubt. You wouldn't leave me if I made you happy right? You wouldn't leave me if my love was enough.

But even though I know we're hopeless, I can't help myself from hoping. Hoping for another chance. That you'll comeback even though it doesn't make any sense since I know how well your relationship is and how perfect you are for each other.

There, I'm crying again. God, Jeonghan it hurts. Especially when I saw your effort on your anniversary last week. It's still fresh Jeonghan, I don't know if you still remember but I told you before that it's my dream to have a date on a hot air-balloon. And you just surprised Seungcheol with that date on your anniversary. It seems like destiny wants me to suffer more. I felt like thousand of knives just stabbed my heart.

Do you think I'm still holding on because we don't have a proper closure? I really wanted to be happy for you and our bestfriend Jeonghan. I want to move on already. Do you think if I ask for a closure I can finally take a step to moving on?

I know that I'm hurting myself more for holding on. I can't help it but I still want to ask until when? Until when do I have to suffer? How long do I have to hurt myself? When will my heart stop aching? When will I let you go fully? When will I forget about you? When will I stop loving you? Until when..?

I hope I'll be tired of loving you.. soon.

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And we go angsty. This is another really short random story. I hope it's enough to make you teary eyes even a little.

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