Did I Say You Could Speak?

7: Izaya stood on the edge...

Izaya stood on the edge of his balcony. He balanced on the side of it, arms outstretched, feet exposed holding the bar carefully. He walked. The fear of falling not bothering him once. He lived in Etnavs now. Etnavs was his life. "I simply love humans," he whispered to himself. The door connecting his balcony to the office opened.

"Get down from there," Shizuo demanded. Izaya laughed.

"Afraid I'll fall Shizu-Chan? Or afraid you won't be here to catch me? It's the same thing, I suppose, whoops," Izaya's foot slipped, or so it appeared, Shizuo hastened to his side. He was ready to jump after him should Izaya fall.

"Please stop doing this."

"Is the adrenaline pumping through your blood? Shizu-Chan are you afraid of me dying?" he laughed. "But you're always trying to kill me outside these walls. Out there," Izaya pointed to the city.

"Please stop," Shizuo requested. "I don't want to lose you."

"Funny how that works. You won't be losing anything, Shizu-Chan. I was never yours to begin with," Izaya faced the city. He lowered his arms. He stood. He stood with his back facing Shizuo. His back was always facing Shizuo, running from him, never answering his questions.

"Falling is just like flying, Shizu-Chan," Izaya looked at the ground. "Except with a more permanent destination. I've fallen many times. From Heaven. From buildings. From the hands of others. Maybe that's why heights make me so queasy. But I still live on the top floor. I still look down at all of them below," Izaya leaned forward, a bit too far, losing his center of gravity. A giant gust of wind forced him forward. He was falling.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist. Shizuo held him, pulling him back, his face right in the crack of Izaya's ass. He'd misjudged his grip. Izaya placed his hand on Shizuo's. "I wasn't going to fall," he confirmed. "I'm not the type to go out without a bang. I'll come down now if it worries you that much."

Shizuo still didn't release his grasp. "You're a monster that wants to be tamed. I'm the only one that can tame you. That's why you don't want to 'lose' me, isn't that so?" Izaya asked. He was cold, unwavering, barely even interested in the answer, or so it appeared.

"That's not true!" Shizuo separated himself just enough so that Izaya could wiggle free. He faced Shizuo, falling backwards, falling even though he said he wouldn't.

"Yes it is," Izaya said, staring at Shizuo's hands clinging to his wrist. "You wouldn't have caught me otherwise. I'm not that important to you. You're catching me because you don't want to have someone die in front of you. You're being contradictory. I'm the one you're meant to kill. Remember? You hate me, Shizu-Chan."

"You lied. You said you wouldn't go out without a bang. What are you doing? What are you planning? What is it that you want me to say?" Shizuo didn't have a good grip on Izaya. His hands were sweating. It didn't matter how strong he was, if Izaya didn't help out at least a bit, the man would fall to his doom.

"You have to explain things clearly, Shizu-Chan. What is it that you want to say? I'm not trying to get a particular phrase of words from you. I just want to know what you're thinking. Tell me, Shizu-Chan, what are you thinking?"

"I don't want you to die. I don't hate you. I've always only hated myself. Are you happy now? Will you stop dangling there?" Shizuo strained to keep his hold.

"Oh?"

"I care about you, Izaya Orihara, whether you like to admit it or not. I do care."

"Is that so?"

The one person Shizuo had always wanted to reach was slipping through his sweaty palms. Unattainable. Feelings never got through to him. No matter how much he tried or spoke in different phrases. No string of words in a sentence appealed to Izaya.

Izaya swung his dangling arm upward. He grabbed the bar of his balcony, swiftly kicking up his feet to provide momentum. He used that additional air blowing onto him to swing upward and wrap his legs around the other bars. "You can let go now," he said. Shizuo refused. "Or not." Izaya pulled himself up the bar with one hand so that he could stand on the side of the balcony. Shizuo released his grip for a moment, only to hug Izaya and pull him over. The two fell on the hard cement. Shizuo holding Izaya close. He rolled onto Izaya, body on top, pushing him into the cold ground.

"You're heavy, Shizu-Chan," Izaya sighed. "I wasn't ever intent on falling."

"I don't care," Shizuo refused to let go. "Please don't do that again."

"Yes, yes," Izaya patted Shizuo's head halfheartedly.

"Promise me."

"I solemnly swear I will never stand on the railing of my balcony again. Does that satisfy your needs?" Izaya's words said nothing about sitting on the balcony or hanging off of the balcony. Just standing on the railing. Shizuo knew there wasn't anything about his phrasing that was trustworthy. This made it all the more frustrating.

"That's not what I meant."

"Shizu-Chan, what is it that you want from me? Do you want me to be your personal sexual partner? Do you want me to promise to stay alive and live out my days with you? Do you want me to confess my undying love and appreciation for you and only you? Do you want me to end my business and we go back to hating each other as if this had never happened? Do you want to come out of the closet to the city and confess your fascination with me to the news?"

"I want you to love me."

"I love humans. I could never love you."

"I know," Shizuo gritted his teeth and held Izaya tighter. So tight Izaya wondered if his ribs would break. "I know," he whispered.