Meet me on the bridge

Chapter 15

Tomorrow, it's tomorrow. Stop trying to see him. You'll just make it worse for yourself to go through with it. He doesn't need you. No body does.

The voice said as I sat at my desk staring at the plans. I never named the voice, before it wasn't even as bad. I guess the more I hear it, the more I want to die. I never named it, a doctor said I should, but if I did I would get attached. I still got attached.

I felt like I needed the voice there, when I was alone. When I felt like dying, I needed that voice to tell me I should. To remind me why. It was crazy thinking about it now. Now that tomorrow is my last day on earth.

You are seeing him tonight aren't you? A movie he said? At his house or a place?

'If you mean movie theater yes. Should we leave notes?'

Notes? For what? Your death?

'I mean yeah, is that crazy or?'

I guess you should. Give your parents and cops a reason. But one for your parents. I guess you can make one for your lying boyfriend.

The voice was convinced Peter never loved me, had pity on me this whole time. The voice is a part of me. So I guess it's me telling myself he is lying to me. I need to leave notes, saying why, saying how much I hated living.

"To my parents; you are probably thinking, why are you reading a note from your son. Simple, I'm going to kill my self. You might be reading this after I die, or while I'm doing it. I won't tell you where, or how. Maybe you'll see it on the news. Here is why I am writing to you about this, I want to die. You probably know why, I mean you are the reason. Well part of the reason. Father for beating me up and calling me worthless, telling me how I should die. Really got to me. I can tell you guys wanted this, I thought about it a lot. I know it will be better. You'll be happier. Mother for standing there watching the beating happen. Letting it happen, then talking to me like you have nothing to do with it and would love me. Neither of you did, I could tell. Don't ask me how because you won't be able to. You guys should be happy while reading this note. The other reasons; I felt so alone in this world, like I didn't belong here. I was being bullied on top of your abuse. It was all too much. I never felt loved, but how could I when you guys didn't love me and made feel like I didn't deserve it. I am rambling aren't I? You probably aren't even reading this after the 'I'm going to kill myself' you didn't care enough while I was living why would you care while I am dead? How should I end this? I love you? I hate you? I don't know. You may have not loved me, but a part of me always loved you guys. Then the other part of me hated you as much  as you hated me. But don't worry, I will make this all better. Goodbye parents who never were there or cared. Maybe I'll see you in the after life."

Oh perfect, pointing out everything they did to you. I am proud Chris.

Was I? I am proud I wrote it, these are my last words to them. 

'Should I write on paper for Peter? Or text it?'

You can text it before you jump. I'll give you time. Then we can end it all.

'Yeah. Okay, tomorrow.'

I put the note I wrote to my parents on my night stand and walked to my phone to see a text from Peter. I'll be leaving tomorrow and he doesn't even know it.

Peter: Are you ready?
Peter: I'll be on my way soon to pick you up for the movie.
Peter: okay baby, I'm here come out?

Me: On my way down.

I put my phone in my pocket and slowly walk down the stairs to see empty beer bottles everywhere. I gave off a soft sigh and slipped out of the house to be with the guy that I love, the guy that I'm leaving tomorrow.