Flowers for the Wounded (Levi x Eren Fanfic)

Bonus: Sitcom Version

Hi, my name's Levi, and I'm in the hospital. And this is my asshole uncle, Kenny Fuckface, that's laying here in a hospital bed with both legs suspended in the air and yelling hysterically from side effects of laughing gas. The woman standing and lecturing him sternly is my mom, sweet bean Kuchel Ackerman. She's disappointed by the way, disappointed in Kenny and disappointed in me, but mostly Kenny.

Anyway, back to me. I'm in a hospital bed too. How did I get here? Let's rewind to a few hours ago.

I was having a merry good old time with my friend Farlan when it turns out I have to go driving with Kenny. Everything should have been fine. But, his truck is junk. His navigation is beyond trash. And then, I'm speeding on the highway.

"Shit! It's the fucking police!"

"Kenny! How the hell do I pull over?!"

"Oh my god, Levi. There's a brake pedal! Next to the gas is the fucking brake pedal!"

"It's not working, Kenny!"

"What?!"

"It must have been that loud banging earlier. Oh my god, we're going to die."

"Hell no, Kuchel told me I gotta get you back by supper. Ain't nobody gonna be late for some tacos. You're coming with even if I gotta drag your spirit up from our makeshift grave. Bet it'd shock your mother for sure."

"KENNY. Now is not the­- Oh god, we just hit something. That was a skunk."

"No, it wasn't- Shit, you're right, kid. Pull over. We can finesse the officer once he gets out."

"I can't pull over, you idiot! The brake is fucking broken!"

"Oh right. Well then, let's- Shit, kid! Swerve right, swerve fucking right!"

And that was how I ended up being bulldozed by another pickup truck that snagged my muffler and dragged my uncle and me halfway back down interstate 75. I was never one to enjoy driving, even less so when it was on the highway with a shit for brains navigator. It was all just a huge orgy of disaster.

But, you know what makes an orgy better?

An angel.

And that's what I thought as the door swung open revealing a handsome tall angel.

"Good evening, Mrs. Ackerman. It's good to see you again," he greeted. "Dr. Yeager at your service." My mother whirled around and nearly gleeked onto Kenny. A smile bigger than Uranus grew on her face.

"Oh! Eren, I wasn't expecting you. I thought your father was in."

"Ah, he's been transferred to another district, so I'll be servicing you in his steed. It also saves on paperwork since my father and I are practically identical," he smoothly said. If I knew the older Dr. Yeager had a son like this, I'd eat my dick and call it Old Dandy. His voice was like honey dipped bananas, so soft and smooth yet deep and rich. Puberty did him right. I ogled him as he tended to Kenny before walking over to me. He took vitals with a smile on his face.

"And how are you, Mr. Ackerman?" he asked. "The pain medicines kick in yet?"

"Uh huh," I responded with drool practically melting out of my mouth. "I feel everything." Lies, I was numb as a bun right now. This Eren raised a brow with a perfect arch that made my insides tingle. He tapped my leg for a few moments and chuckled amusingly.

"Sure you do," he said. "The meds have definitely kicked in. Alright, I'm going to take your blood pressure and listen to your heart, alright?" Oh man, he was going to touch me. He took my arm and covered it with the pump lightly holding my wrist under his arm. Dear lord, he's a buff boy. I felt like school jello.

Gooey, warm, and loaded with chunks.

The death halo squeezed my arm until it felt like I had nothing after my shoulder and then let go.

"123/79. Not too bad," Eren muttered. I'd give anything to have this guy whisper in my ears like that. Who knew numbers were such a turn on? Sixty-nine on this bitch, also known as, me.

He went on to listen to my heartbeat laying that cold metal cookie on my chest. His eyes went wide for a moment.

"Hmm, your heartbeat is a little elevated here," he stated.

"That's not the only thing that elevated," I dryly noted. Haha, high me is a flirty twink. Eren flushed and laughed at the comment, but continued on. I whined a little when he finished and left the room. My mother suddenly burst into laughter as Kenny dozed off.

"My little bunny is so screwed. He's in love with the doctor," she teased.

"Shut up, mom!" I yelled. "It's not my fault he's chiseled like a Greek god. His jawline could slice me to smithereens, and I would still kiss up to him. Tell me he's not going away." She just smirked as I cried and continued holding her phone up to my face.

It wasn't until later I found out she had it all on camera.

A week passed by, and things seemed to be fine. Eren came and assessed my uncle and me and determined I was well enough to leave while Kenny still needed monitoring. Turns out, I only had broken ribs, but old Kenny Fuckface had a guardrail impale him like the vampire he is. Seriously, who feeds this guy? He's so pale and skinny. Although, he is tall. He's got that going for him, I guess.

Going home was strange. My mom had this strange smirk the whole time. As we pulled into the driveway, I could see why. A million cars were surrounding our house. Doesn't she know I hate surprises? With a groan, I opened the door. A bazillion balloons, horns, shouts, and confetti filled the air. I frowned and glared at everyone. It was everyone I cared for, their neighbor, and their dog. I was shocked though as I saw a certain individual standing off to the side. Eren stood with a little bow on his head. I turned to my mother who simply crouched down and spoke so only I would hear.

"He's our new neighbor, little bunny." I flushed and swore my head was as red as my ass when I saw on the stove while it was on. Looks like things were going to get interesting.

The next few days consisted of shitty courtship via hate flowers and confessions and heart-wrenching love. Only a few years later did we marry and then a life-changing event occurred.

We were in the hospital.

And in front of us was the surrogate mother who handed us our new daughter. Yeah, life was good.