Loser

Intro

 Everyone has defects. See, I'm tired of being disappointed by people. And, thanks to that, I am learning to expect the worst from people, so when it hits, it won't be as surprising and hurtful as It would have normally been. You may think this guy is weird but let's just put it out there, I'm a loser, and I think I can say I'm proud of it. Yeah, it's kinda odd that someone may say that, that they are proud of being a loser. Losers tend to dream about becoming popular, being known by all school, being friends with jocks, or stuff like that. But for me? No, I am proud of being a loser.

Why you may ask? I think it's really simple for me to explain why, because we are misfits, wallflowers, we hide in plain sight, hiding from the people without ever really trying to, and we avoid drama, so bonus points. But, if you think about it, being a loser is not as bad as it seems right? We may get bullied by jocks or maybe not, maybe that popular girl we have a crush on doesn't notice us. But, that's for the best, things happen for a reason.

So, let me tell you a little about myself. Friends? I don't have many, but luckily I can trust them no matter what. Love Life? Total failure so let me catch you up quickly: broken heart, broken heart, then a broken heart and yet again another broken heart. My parents divorced when I was young, my mom got married, and I live with her. On the other side, my dad didn't, and he lives far, and I see him at least once every two months.

I've just started college, and I looked forward to it because I saw it as a new beginning, a second chance, to define myself for who I really am. And who am I? I don't know the exact answer to that question, but I have my clues. I am a misfit who is finding his way in life, a sad boy trying to find what makes him happy, a lonely soul looking for a shoulder to rely on, a scrawny kid with no intentions care about himself, a mind full of dark thoughts, insecurities, and mental issues. So yeah, basically what I call a "Loser".

I like to see misfits as empty white canvases, and every time we get hurt, there is a splash of paint on the canvas. After all the hurting, we become a piece of art. This is why I can also say, we are the most creative people, we find a way to channel all of our feelings in a certain way. Some do it with paintings, some with music, some writing, who knows? It's like we are destined for this, but here is the question: Why us? Like, we have done nothing wrong. We are terrified of doing anything wrong, or at least I can say that for myself.

But, there is something really weird about me that I'm trying to figure out right now, MY MIND. It's like I hate it with my life, but I love it with all my heart at the same time. My brain's like a fast car going 200mph on an empty, never-ending highway. But instead of the highway landscape all you can see through the windows are thoughts, memories, dreams, doubts, insecurities, all of those things. You know. The thing is that sometimes, this car runs out of gas, and that is when I crack. A little tear comes running down my cheek. And while the gas is filling again, the questions come. So then the car is ready to go, and my mind begins to work again.

Shit happens to me always, and every time I end up feeling bad, going to dark places inside my head asking myself questions that I don't have the answers to, which leads me to depress myself for a while. And honestly, as I am writing this, I am in this dark place. But, I have found one thing that always finds a way to make things better: MUSIC. Not music in general, because I don't know how to play shit, so what I actually mean is hearing music. Not any music, MY MUSIC. I cannot live a day without my music, SERIOUSLY.

My friends think that it is weird, but honestly, I don't give a shit about what my friends think about my music, because it's MINE. I don't share it that often, but when I do, it's because there is a reason. They always say: Your music is Depressive, Weird, Ugly, or Why would you hear that. And here is the reason: Because they are meaningful, they have a message I relate to and that Is why I love MY MUSIC.

Ok, so now to my story, but first I have to point out some rules you'll HAVE TO obey. I think that some rules are made to be broken, BUT NOT THESE.

1. When I say a song, YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT, then you can continue reading. Listen to the lyrics IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

2. You cannot skip a single word.

3. This is not a rule, but I just wanna say that my language is very explicit so I'm SORRY, it's just the way I am.

4. Also as you can see I can be very descriptive at times, but If I describe a lot, it's because it is important, SO READ IT.

5. When I point out something, or I make a reference, you have to know what it is, otherwise, GOOGLE IT.

6. Also, if this ends up being a hit or something like that, WHICH I DOUBT, I don't want this to be read at school with some old teacher taking a quiz out of this. This is NOT one of those books. I would rather have it being banned than that SHIT.

7. Every chapter will be named over an Album, you don't have to listen to it, but if you really want to enjoy this book I recommend you do it. As the album will have a connection to the chapter.

So, yeah, I guess that's it for the Intro, we can start with my story.