*honk honk*
you roll up with your clown car into the parking lot of a Walmart at 9 pm
you: I gotta get this face paint for tomorrow's show, now come on.
roommate: Why am I here?
you: Because you need some "rabbit" food for that albino rat you pull out of that flea and shit infested hat of yours, harry.
harry: Don't forget the baked beans too!
you: Yeah yeah...
you get out of the car with harry and walk up to the front doors of Walmart
harry: Oh god... I see the light. Welp, to hell I go.
you: That's the light from the inside dumbass.
you walk in with harry, there aren't many people here
let's be honest, what kind of clown goes to Walmart at 9 pm
harry: Now where the fuck is this rabbit food?
you: I don't know. Go ask someone.
harry: Oh alright then.
you guys went your separate ways, you went to look for some face paint near the body makeup and Harry limped away to look for some rabbit food
you: Hm, where is this face paint...
a redhead walks up behind you to give you some assistance, her name tag is labeled brenda with a yellow smiley face to it
brenda: Ma'am, do you need some help with finding your items?
you look up at her, showing your face that is absolutely plastered with clown makeup
brenda: ...
she looks at you with a shocked look on her face
you: Yeah, I need to find some face paint, I have a show tomorrow.
brenda: Oh! That's near the body makeup aisle, want me to lead you to it? *snort*
you could tell brenda was about to lose her shit at the sight of your clown makeup and you were tired of dealing with her so you decided to find the aisle yourself
you: No, no.. I-it's fine, I can find it myself.
you went on your way to look for it some more, and brenda didn't help at all, in fact you can hear that she laughed after you walked away
meanwhile, your old ass roommate harry, went to look for some rabbit food
harry: I cannot find this rabbit food for some reason, I must be retarded. Maybe I should do what the hell whats-their-name told me to do.
harry limps to a basic looking employee and starts to ask for assistance
harry: Hey you, can you help me find the rabbit food? I don't know where it is.
seymour: Ok sir, I will lead you to the pet aisle.
harry: What's your name, young man?
seymour: seymour.
harry: What a horrifying name.
they walk to the pet aisle to get the rabbit food
harry: Do you know where it is, seymour?
seymour pointed near the cat food
harry: It's about damn time, my rabbits are going to be so happy.
harry sees a normal looking middle aged woman and her kid near the dog food, which is near the cat food but thinks nothing of it,
the kid then walks up to harry and tries to steal his wallet
harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE PRICK!?! GET YOUR FUCKING NASTY HANDS OFF ME!
the kid starts crying loudly, and then his mom comes by you two
linda: What the hell did you do to my son, cracker?
harry: HE TRIED STEALING MY SHIT!
linda: Oh, timmy is just a small child... Give him a break.
the kid then tried grabbing harry's wallet and succeeded
timmy: HA! I got it! Now let me see this...
he looked through harry's wallet, the first thing he saw was his expired Driver's License, with his full name on it
timmy: Harrison R. Peegin?.. Ew your old.
harry: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SHIT YOU UGLY BASTARD!!! THAT IS MY PRIVATE INFORMATION, YOUNG MAN!
timmy: OK OK, JEEZ!
linda: SECURITY!
harry: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!!
meanwhile you are still looking for the face paint
you: Damn, I still can't find it. I should probably try Party City next time or something.
you look a bit harder and you eventually find a 3$ set
you: Finally. Guess I'll get those baked beans as well, then it's off to find harry.
you go by the canned food items to look for some baked beans
you: Hm. Was it Bush's or Heinz's? I forgot. I guess I'm grabbing Heinz's, I could always return it with the receipt if he bitches for the 50th time about the brand being wrong.
you grab the Heinz's and you look for harry near the registers but you can't find him
you suddenly hear a scream from halfway into the store
harry: THIS BITCH STARTED IT!!!
you: That's him, guess I have to bail him out. Again.
you went near the pet aisle to look for him, he was arguing with some employees
seymour: Sir, we need you to calm down..
harry: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN CALM DOWN? HE JUST TRIED STEALING MY MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN WALLET!
you: Uh, excuse me... What kind of tomfuckery is happening here?
harry: Oh thank god... y/n, these assholes are nuts! They are trying to get me arrested because of my goddamn Driver's License, that I NEVER use!
linda: IT'S EX-PIRED!
seymour: All of you jackasses better be quiet right now, or so help me.
seymour stared you down for a minute before talking
seymour: Is he related to you?
he was partly looking at harry
you: Uh... Yeah... We live together.
seymour: Take him home, all of your stuff is free! Just get his old ass out of here before the manager comes over here.
linda: YOU CAN'T DO THIS! HE IS A FUCKING PIG! A FREAK! I DEMAND TO SEE MY LAWYER!!!
she was screaming and stomping some more as you and harry were leaving
you: We got our stuff and we didn't even need to pay for it! Thanks for being a bitchy, crotchety old man.
harry: Whoop-dee-fucking doo we saved 10$ on basic shit. Can we go home now for fucks sake?
you: Heh, okay then.
harry: And thanks bailing me out and getting the baked beans for me, even though they aren't the right brand... I had a very shitty night, I'm fucking tired and I just want to go home and enjoy some fresh canned baked beans.
you: No problem.
you drove out of the Walmart parking lot with harry and you drove home
The end.
YOU ARE READING
Clown Shopping (Wattpad Edition)
ContoYour a clown and your shopping at Walmart at 9pm with your roomate Harry.
