Punk misfortune

3 whole days

He wants to date me.

Holy shit David wants to date me.

It was like all of my dreams and fantasies were coming true. Well the ones I had forgotten about. It all came back to me. I thought I was over him. But he'll no I wasn't. He was giving all of those feelings inside and making me blush and making my stomach do flips And twists.

It felt great.

I was pretty nonchalant with my response.

"Yeah we can give it a shot. If you want."

He said "of course I do want to."

Me On the outside: alright sick

Me on the inside: FUCK YEAHHHHHH

I was very happy Holy shit I swear I thought I was dreaming. I though I was in a very very surreal lucid dream.

But no this is the real world. This is reality.

Again, im not going to go into more detail about us dating really. I wanna get to my point.

So we were talking more after this exchange us now being togehter and gender identity got brought up.

"It feels kinda cursed to call you a dude, im not used to it tbh."

"That's ok." i told him. And it was. I basically came out to him three days before school let out for the summer. The whole school year he saw me as a girl. I never told him. I didn't tell a lot of People.

"Also gonna be honest" he then added.

"I'm not into dudes but you're am exception."

I was like "lol, I'll take that as a compliment."

Then David told me somthing that made my heart melt.

"i don't want you to have to change because of personal preference."

That made me feel really good. It made me feel great. He accepted me as a boy when I came out and now Him being my boyfriend saying that really made me feel good, like he will accept me no matter what. Him saying that actually kinda led to me rethinking everything about my gender...

"Thank you. That means a lot to me." I said.

"You're welcome." he said. "But like.. gonna be honest again here. If you look...like...to much boyish. I can't do that."

"But right now, you look just fine." I had just sent him a picture of me which he called "hot".

"Well then. I see." I replied with.

"You're fine." He said.

I told him how sometimes I try to go for  a gender neutral look cuz sometimes my gender shit is confusing.

He said don't worry about it.

"Gender neutral is fine."

"Alright."

"I just don't wanna be controlling."

"Oh no. You're good." I said. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"But at the same time is justpersonal preference." He replied back.

"Ye." I said.

"Thanks for understanding." He told me.

"It's no problem."

"To be honest some times I dont even feel like I'm a gender...i just feel like I'm me. And then I say im whatever you want me to be. But I don't know. I'm w e i r d." I added.

"i say youre a girl.. but u dont gotta listen to me. i cant see u as a dude."

"Yeah, I get that." And I did. Again, i told him last couple of days of school that I was a trans guy.

"Not gonna lie I'm not gonna wear a lot of feminine stuff cuz I feel weird in it." I then said.

"Well yeah. I don't mind that."

"Plus you met me and well I didn't tell you."

"yeah im used to girl." He said. Which I figured.

"I never know anything anymore."

And then David had told me that it was fine. And everything seemed to be fine. I'm glad that we had the conversation on our first couple of hours of dating. I told him that I wanted to have honest and open communication so this could work.

There was a dsrk side of me though that seemed to be able to tell that after we had the gender conversation the energy wasn't the same as it was before. It felt like it wasnt the same. But maybe that was probably just my anxiety.

If you read the title I think you know what is coming.

On July 6, 2019 I texted David that morning and he told Me:

"hi"

"i nedd to talk to u"

"Hi. About what" I had texted him back but i knew what was coming.

"i know i been giving this a shot and all but like,,..,...,,,,,, am not feeling it dude."

Three whole days. We dated for three whole days.

Welp. Thank you for reading. I promkse next chapter will be when I finally explain the whole gender rethinking. I just had explain this whole thing first.

Peace out and stay sick 🤘🏽