My Beloved Mikasa | Book Two

Chapter Seven

Where the hell do I go?

I obviously wasn't thinking straight when I said that I would look for someone...

I don't even know if there are any other people.

I'm such an idiot...

Crap.

There has to be something I can do.

I really wish that I could create her dream home but I know nothing.

I'm so stupid.

I walk back in, very disappointed, and ashamed.

Mikasa is slowly nibbling at a toasted slice of bread, but I walk past her, feeling too unworthy to talk to her.

I throw myself on my bed and cover both of my eyes with my arm.

I really wish I knew what to do right now.

The dream home seems to be out of the question; for now at least.

There has to be something else, anything.

I slap my head repeatedly, trying to some how make myself come up with a solution.

Harder and harder each time...

It just ends up building up my frustration, which causes me to slap myself even harder and faster and it's just-

Pointless.

I finally stop and a tear manages to squeeze through my eye.

I'm so useless. Very useless.

My fingers run through my hair, and I begin to feel an emotion I'm very familiar with.
However, I don't quite know what it is, exactly.

Anyway, it doesn't feel good; not one bit.

Let's face it, I don't know what the hell to do. I'm so screwed.

I hit the wall with my curled fist, over and over again.

I don't care anymore.

I am just so annoyed and angry and upset that I just let it all out.

The bangs echo throughout the room many times over.

More tears develop in my eyes, and before I know it: I was yelling; but no words are made.

I felt hands cover me, and I turn around immediately.

Mikasa.

"Don't be so restless, Eren." She says, still grabbing hold of me.

"Why, Mikasa?! Why can't I be what I like and do what I want?!" I shout.

"I just don't get it-!"

I break down in to tears and don't hold back this time.

Mikasa holds me closer to her.

"Me neither." She says softly in to my ears.

"I never have."

I try my best to stop crying. I am not in the mood to discuss anything right now, "Let go of me, Mikasa. I can't look at you."

I say, shaking.

I don't even need to turn my head towards her to know: her expression changed. It dropped.

She lets go of me and looks to her knees.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave." Mikasa says, getting up from her place, leaving behind a ghost from where she had been sat.

Oh my god.

Eren...

Why are you such an ignorant bastard?