In Spite of You

Chapter 1: Stolen innocence

One in four girls under the age of 18 are raped and 34% of these girls are related to the person who assaults them. Only 12% of those cases are reported. I am the one in four. I am part of the 34% and even after all these years, it's still the family secret. He was supposed to be my protector, my motivator, my Dad. He was the man I looked up to, someone I wanted to grow up to be like. At least until that night that will be forever burned into my mind.

I don't ever remember my parents being together. I know they were married and separated several times before their inevitable divorce, but I'm not sure what caused so many problems. Sure, I've heard stories and biased points of view, but there are always 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the truth. Of course, like most divorced couples, they hated each other and so did their families. It was like a war. I can't help but wonder what my life would have been if they'd tried just a little harder. I don't know why they couldn't work it out, I'll never know, but that's where my story begins.

My mom introduced me to her "friend" from high school when I was just 6 years old. He had a son a little less than a year younger than me and I was so happy to have someone to play with. Little did I know, they would be having my sweet baby sister within a few months. That friend would soon become my stepdad and be the one who made me hate everything about my life. He was nice at first. He bought me things and made me laugh, but it didn't last long. Mom was in love with him, so it didn't matter how mean he was to me. I was yelled at and whipped daily and became too scared to even leave my room. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. Deep down, I knew he hated me, which terrified me. He was so easy to anger and impossible to please. He was arrogant and prideful and his heart was full of hate and misery.

"He loves us and just wants what's best for you. Smile. I love you to the moon and back, Katie Sue", Mom would always say with a halfhearted smile. She was the only one who ever called me that. There's no way she really believed he loved me and had my best interest at heart, is there? He hated me and he wanted me to be just as miserable as he was.

I only saw my Daddy, my real dad, every other weekend. Daddy did the best he could with what little time he was able to spend with me, but it wasn't long until that changed, too.  Mom and Dustin moved us an hour away from everything and everyone that was familiar to me. I was completely taken from my Daddy when I was just 9 years old. No visits and no calls, so Dustin became my new dad.

It didn't take long for him to start being nice to me, which was a huge change. Of course, it wasn't a change that I would ever complain about. He coached my ball teams and we played in the yard. He did all the things that a dad is supposed to do and made me feel like I was his daughter. I could finally laugh and smile around him without worrying that I would say or do the wrong thing. For 2 years, I felt like I had a real, normal, happy family, but like all things do, that came to an end.

There was tension, I could feel it, I just didn't know why. Mom and Dad were fighting and never seemed happy. Something was wrong, but I didn't know how wrong until one night when he slipped into my room after everyone was already sound asleep.

"Kate!" I heard in a whispered voice. "Wake up."

I rubbed my eyes and looked around the room and wondered if it was already morning. Everything was still pitch black and there was no light coming through my windows. My alarm clock read 12:34 am. That can't be right, can it? Why is he waking me up so calmly in the middle of the night?

"What's wrong?" I asked in a panic.

"Shh!" He replied. "Nothing's wrong. Just come with me." he said, leading me to the living room "Wanna watch a movie?"

He'd been sleeping on the bed of our our pull out couch for a few nights, so I knew his and Mom's problems were pretty big.

"You can lay down", he whispered, pointing to his bed. "I'll start the movie".

So I laid down, thinking nothing of it and quickly fell back asleep. This happened for the next few nights and I wondered why he wanted me to come in there if he knew I was just going to fall asleep. I thought maybe he was just lonely. Dads and daughters watch movies together... right?

But one night, he didn't turn on a movie. He laid down behind me and as I was falling asleep, he put his arm around me and started to trace his fingers up and down my body.