bingpot! - Brooklyn 99 one shots

"I lost our baby!" - Peraltiago (its a fake baby btw, no tw)

Charles enters the precinct with a bit more pep than usual, a brown paper bag in his left hand. He greets officers as he makes his way from the elevator to his desk. Jake looks over from his paper work to see his older friend, turning his chair to face him.

"Looking good, Charles!" He yells with a smirk.

"Why thank you, Jakey." Charles smiles as he takes off his jacket and placing it on the back of his chair.

"What's with the smile, Boyle?" Rosa walks into the bullpen with a cup off coffee nestled in her hands.

"Genevieve and I were up all night learning how to make escargot!" He shrieks with his usual Charles charm.

"Escargot? Isn't that boiled snails or something?" Rosa asks with a chuckle as the others groan in disgust.

"Escargot is a French delicacy consisting of edible land snails - they're exquisite!" He defends himself, though his argument just makes the others chuckle more.

"So, snails." Rosa was now attempting to hide a grin behind her blue mug.

Charles sighs in defeat, "yes, snails." He places his briefcase on the floor and the brown bag on his desk. With a smile, he opens the bag to reveal a red Tupperware container. "I brought some for you guys, too!" He says, holding out the container in front of him to motion for others to take it.

Jake stands up with a frown, "Please tell me you didn't bring a container of snails to work, Charles."

"I can't lie to you Jake," He begins walking over to his best friend's desk with a wider grin. "Come on, try one! It's not as bad as it sounds, they're actually really good for healing. Grandma Boyle used to soak her feet in them after the whole cockroach-"

"Charles!" Everyone groans in unison, stopping their coworker from finishing the disturbing tale. Grandma Boyle stories never ended well anyway.

"Okay, okay," he lifts his free hand into the air as a sign of defeat. "But please Jake, it would mean so much to me if you try one! Just one bite?" He waves the container in his friend's face, the sloshing of the liquid turning Jake's stomach. Now, everyone's eyes are on Jake as they laugh at his misfortune.

Jake surveys the room to see everyone patiently waiting for his response. Even Terry is partaking, putting a pause to his conversation with Holt to see if Jake would break poor Charles' heart. He lets out a sigh and a shake of his head before responding, "Fine!" He grabs the container, "How bad can it be?" He opens the lid, almost gagging as he looks into the container. There were at least thirty dead snails in some sort of exotic sauce right under his nose. He tries to hold back his disgust as he reaches a hand in to take one out. He dangles it in front of his mouth, staring intently at the small snail in his fingers. "Nope, I can't do this!" He throws the snail back into the container before closing the lid, beginning to run for the patio door. "Sorry, Boyle!" He says as he opens the door, immediately throwing the container of snails off the roof and slamming the door shut - almost as if he was afraid the snails would come back to get revenge.

"Jake- No!" Charles yells, but it's too late. The snails are gone.

They all get back to work soon after the snail incident, only stopping as Amy comes in two hours later. She groans and tosses a crying doll onto Jake's desk as she walks by, dropping herself into the chair next to Jake's desk with another loud groan.

"What's wrong, Ames?" Jake says as he picks up the baby doll, examining it's features. It's cries echo through the bullpen.

"That stupid baby wouldn't stop screaming all morning!" She shouts at him with exhaustion. "The dentist thought I was crazy."