Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.
What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common? If you break a leg, you get cast.
Fill out job applications in crayon and if you don't get hired just blame it on your color.
What did Lil Jon do when the hardware store employee tried to sell him a lightbulb? Turned down 4 Watt.
Time flies when you throw your obnoxious alarm clock across the room.
