Love, Your Storm

LETTER SIX

LETTER SIX

I felt like my mind was going to explode. I had all these feelings twisting, turning, tumbling inside and I didn't know what to do. I was in love with you and you had no idea. Every time you made a comment to me about another girl I just wanted to cry because I wanted to be her. Screw feelings, who really needs them... right?

You could guess that there was a little tension coming from me but I'm so glad you didn't mention anything. I don't know what impossible lie would have escaped my mouth. Actually, it probably would have been the truth and it would've made everything awkward.

In April, you had unknowingly broken my heart. You found a girl that you really liked. She was new and in your Geography class. I was jealous beyond belief; I mean, c'mon, this girl looked like a model with the face of a damn angel so how on Earth could I even think of competing with her. To top off her perfect looks, she acted like a saint with the perfect mix of rebel so I couldn't even hate the girl!

At first, all you did was talk about how incredible she was as I would sit there with a fake smile on my face as I cursed myself for suggesting you should ask her on a date. You were completely smitten with this girl and I could tell she liked you back. When you asked her out, you had me give you advice on what to do and I swear you killed me with how endearingly panicked you were.

Once you two got more serious, everything started to change. You started to drop on our plans last minute to go and hang out with her. I knew I couldn't blame it on your girlfriend because I knew if you told her you already had plans with me she would have understood. So, I could only blame my loneliness on you.

I stopped talking to you after we had an argument. Do you remember how bad that was? It was the first and only true, full blown, shit-hit-the-fan fight we had. I told you that you were being a horrible friend and you told me I was being a jealous, selfish brat. After that, I was done with you. Probably because I knew you were right about me being jealous, but not in the sense that you meant.

Our silence lasted almost two months and it was the loudest silence I'd ever been subjected to. This silence screamed pointless. It screamed about how we were both being immature; you were 17 and I would be 17 in June so why were we acting like five year olds?

I was miserable. God, I was miserable. I had no one and that lead me to wallow in every bad decision I'd ever made. If I had just sucked it up and let you be happy then I would still have my best friend. I don't care that it killed me every time I saw you with another girl and I don't care that it killed me every time you friend-zoned me because at least I had that. I will never ever wish to be disassociated with you rather than be friend-zoned again because I realized in those long two months that the friend-zone is so much better than the 'girl-I-used-to-know zone'.

After two months of you two dating, it fizzled to an end. You both just became disinterested in each other so, of course, the first thing you did was come crawling back to me claiming how sorry you were and how stupid you were and how right I was. Me, being the push over I am, told you to forget about it and we could be exactly how we were before. It was pretty weak of me and I knew that as soon as your eye caught another girl that I'd be forgotten again, albeit not completely (probably).

Knowing what I know now, I thank my lucky stars for being as forgiving as I was.