Let me go #JaaneDeMujhe

Bhula dena mujhe

"Bhula dena mujhe
Hai alvida tujhe
Tujhe jeena hai
Mere bina
Safar ye hai tera
Yeah raasta tera
Tujhe jeena hai mere bina"

I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about how you can never be mine. It's not like you don't want to....... I know you want to be mine as I want to be yours. But I was the one that pushed you away. All my friends were asking me today why did I let you go. How do I tell them that I asked you to..... I asked you to LET ME GO.

I remember the day like it was yesterday when we were both staring into each other's eyes. Your eyes were reflecting hurt, sadness, anger and betrayal after I told you my decision......seeing you like that made me want to break my facade and tell you the truth but I held my ground. I heard the way your voice cracked when you asked me what you did wrong and it made me feel even more guilty.

Maybe I shouldn't have lead you on, knowing full well what it would result into. But now here we are standing, both of us lost due to our situations. Me lost due to my disability and you lost cause of me.

"Please tell me, just tell me what I did wrong. Why you want to leave me just like that. Just why?" Your eyes shone bright with tears threatening to fall while mine were glistened with the unshed tears I was trying so hard to control.

"You did nothing wrong. It's not about you okay, it's me" I told you more like whispered.

"Why? Do you have someone else in your life. Someone else you've been seeing" you questioned me.

Your question caught me off guard. How badly I wanted to tell you that you're my true love, my only love but I just couldn't. Never thought the words could ever come out of your mouth but I guess I deserved it. So I swallowed the lump in my throat and answered.

"Yes. Yes I have" as soon as the words left my mouth the tears poured down and your eyes were burning red with pure anger.

"Wh-Oh.Ok. OK I guess then this is it, this is the time we waited for after all those struggles, isn't it?" You laughed and it was like thousands of knives went plunging through my heart tearing it apart.

"I promise I'm never gonna show you my face again nor will I see yours ever again. I promise. This is it now I'm letting you go." And just like that you left me at the same place we met for the first time to let my tears fell with all the sadness and grief I felt as the rain poured. I thanked the rain as it helped me to mask my tears.

What was I supposed to tell you that I have PHILOPHOBIA, that I won't ever be able to love you the way you love me. That I won't be able to reciprocate your feelings with the same passion, that whenever you'd take two steps forward I'd jump four steps back. Tell me what am I supposed to tell you, that whenever you expect me to be with you and celebrate your happiness I'll push you away and be in my own world. Just please tell me how was I supposed to tell you that I'm incapable of love. Whenever we get close I gonna go far.

So I did the only thing that I thought was right, I told you I was seeing someone else and that we wouldn't work out. I still remember how your eyes showed hatred for me-the same eyes which always held adoration and pure love for me now looked at me like I'm some kind of a monster. Maybe I'm a monster-a monster who killed all of your feelings, a monster who killed our love, a monster who killed the both of us and crushed our insides. I just hope you're happy with whatever you're doing right now or whoever you're with right now. I hope she will love you the way I never could. I'm thankful that you LET ME GO.......

#Jaanedemujhe please support.