We sat at the edge of the tracks, my toes rubbing against the grains of sand that scattered across the charred wood. I was rocking a little, swatting at the extra flies that were sticking onto my legs.
It was mainly quiet, except for the quiet buzzing of crickets and crinkling of Ash's brown paper bag.
It was a tradition at this point- ditching lunch to eat by the train tracks. Although leaving campus as a freshman was a huge rule breaker at our school, Ash and I made it look easy.
I remember the first few times, we'd try to creep behind the staff, chuckling and running behind the nearest building. But after a while, after repetitively doing the same thing over and over, we grew comfortable. It became so regular that the staff doesn't even think twice about what grade we were in and where we should be and whatnot. By April, we were bored. There was nothing to do, nothing to talk about, just swatting through the humid air at flies and cleaning out the dirt from underneath our nails with dried up grass.
I straightened my legs, so my feet met the other ends of the tracks, the metal poking into the bottom of my shins.
Ash crinkled her bag, shoving it into her side pocket. "Hey, Dani."
"Yeah?" I curled myself back into a ball, wrapping my arms around my legs this time.
"Have you ever thought about it? Like, do boys even catch feelings?"
I cringed, turning my head in time to see her chew off a bite of a soggy sandwich. "What do you mean?"
She answered, her voice muffed out by her chewing, "I don't know..." she swallowed, "Have you ever caught, like, actual feelings for a boy?"
I turned my head back, staring at my toes, which have almost grown black from the charred up metal of the tracks. "I don't know..."
Most of our conversations started and ended like this. Uneventful, really, but something about the peacefulness was refreshing. Two girls with nothing to do, who do their schoolwork and sleep in their own beds at night. It was kind of hard to start problems that way. For the most part, we stayed out of trouble. The train tracks was one thing but that was usually unspoken of.
Ash wasn't usually someone who was on my mind. I just knew that she was always there for me. We never talked on the phone or anything when we got home, or hung out too much over the weekends. Neither of us played any sports or participated in the same clubs. But none of that really mattered. I just knew that she was there. Every day, she'd sit by my side during lunch and after school. She was there for me, and that was a comforting enough feeling. We never talked about our issues or problems because for the most part, there were no problems.
I had never really thought about change. But of course, change is always expected.
But the way this happened... This was definitely never expected.
When summer came, there was nothing to do. No school to wake up and get dressed for. No homework to distract myself with at night. No excuse to see Ash. It was funny, I didn't even talk to Ash for about a week after summer started.
When I got a call from her, I was a little shocked, but also happy.
"...Hey." It was three in the afternoon, but she sounded like she was still laying in bed. I mean, I was.
"What's up."
"Wanna... I don't know... Do something?"
Ash and I began to meet up every day. Same place, same time. The train tracks. We began to take walks along the tracks, and we'd watch as the city began to fade out and there was nothing but a dew-smelling gas station that placed itself to the side of an empty horizon.
In a way, we started to bond. We talked about where we'd go if we followed the tracks. I've never seen or heard an actual train, but we always wondered what they were like, or if they still even ran.
I remember one day, we walked up to the gas station. She told me to sit outside, while she bought something.
I remember the smug smile on her face, as she was holding two bags of stale candy. I was confused, until she opened up her backpack and held out some off-brand bottle of whiskey.
She began to open it, until we heard the footsteps of the store owner from the other side of the building. My eyes grew wide, but she grabbed my hand and we both started sprinting. By the time we were home, we were coughing up a few seconds of laughter before running out of breath.
Something about that night felt off, but I didn't question it. I had never drank before, but there wasn't a swarming guilt that I was supposed to feel when I did so. I remember at first, passing the bottle back and forth, choking on a few sips. But when I tried to recall what happened that night, I couldn't seem to remember.
By the time I woke up, Ash was gone, but the empty bottle was laying beneath my bed. I never touched it since, knowing that each fingerprint I add was adding more and more evidence to the crime scene.
The empty bottle felt strange, but after a few months went by I began to realize that I had never seen or heard from Ashley again that night.
