Like Roses

Just Breathe

It must've been a year already since he passed, I try hard to not think of it, but when its your own brother... How could you not?

After a month since he left me I just can't seem to think straight... You wouldn't of guessed that your own brother would take his life, not when he seemed so happy, planning his future, managing his money, always talking about the things he was going to get up to when he moved out. But I guess now I've learned how looks can be deceiving.

He wanted to start a band, I could always here him in his room playing his guitar or singing some tune. He had shown me a song that he wrote once, he said it was for me.

I sing the song to myself sometimes when I miss him, other times I just lie here, letting the tears fall as I remember him. I miss him so much.

Why did he have to leave? Why so soon?

Anyways, thats all for today.

- Alex xo

I close my old and tattered diary and shove it under my pillow, wiping away the few tears that spilled as I wrote about my brother for the first time in a year. It's been hard, I'm not a very open person so I haven't properly spoken about his death yet, not to anyone.

Of course I get asked about it, like if I'm okay and such but it's always the same of "yeah, don't worry" or "Im fine thanks" and the little head nods.

I sigh and roll onto my back and just think, I've pushed everyone away, my parents, friends... I've been a mess this last year. I used to be so laid back and chill, I used to help my brother write songs, hang out with friends, go to concerts... Yeah not anymore. I'm pretty much just here.

I get up and walk into the bathroom that's across the hall from my room, I stand in front of the mirror and just stare at my frail reflection. I'm so pale, my eyes look empty and I haven't eaten much lately. I should probably go out and eat something the little voice in my head reminded me.

Sighing once again, I walked back into my room and looked at the time, 10:03am, it seems like a decent time to actually start my day already. I walk slowly to my closet and pick out my usual outfit, a black band shirt, black skinny jeans and a black jacket seeming as it's chilly outside, not that I wouldn't of worn a jacket anyway. I pick a pair of clean undies out and walk back to the bathroom to have a shower.

-=+=-

Once I've finished showering and I've gotten dressed, I decided on fixing this mess I call myself. I decide on a light foundation, black eye liner made into a wing and some mascara, next I brush my lilac colored hair out leaving it in its natural looking state, I tweak my fringe a bit so it swoops across my forehead. Once I'm not cringing at my reflection as much I settle with my appearance and head on out to my car.

Pulling up at a small corner shop café, I quickly park my small black car (as you can tell I like the colour black) and quickly make my way into the small shop. Walking inside I fix up my hair and wipe under my eyes incase my mascara smudged on the way here, walking over to a booth situated in the corner of the small café I sit down and pick up the menu, skimming it briefly, I already knew what I want seeming as I come here far to often. I set it back down and walk up to the counter, there are two people standing in front of me, they seem to be together. The taller one had brown almost black hair, it was a bit curly but it was covered with a black beanie. He appeared to have tattoos on his arms, same with the girl next to him, she was shorter then him tho, with shoulder length black hair also covered with a beanie although hers was white with black hearts all over it. They both appeared to have on all black clothes (except the girls beanie). I admired the two people for a while until I was awaken from my trance when the girl at the counter called my name repeatedly (I told you I came here far too often)

"Oh sorry" I said quietly. I recognized the girl, her name was Katherine, she liked to be called Kathy.

"No problem!" She was always cheery, she greeted me with a big smile and asked for my order

"Large hot chocolate please, two marshmallows and one slice of banana bread, toasted." I said with a small smile

"Alright, that would be..." she pressed some things on the cash register before she gave me my total. I handed her the money and went to sit back down at the booth.

While waiting for my food my phone buzzed in my lap, I got a message. I scrunched up my face in confusion, I haven't gotten a text in over 6 months... It was from an unknown number.

-=+=-