Rent - A - Man

Cheers To Independence and Second-hand Embarrassment

LOGAN RILEY

I realized around my early teen years that I felt second-hand embarrassment pretty strongly. Every time I would watch a rom-com drama show - like say Baby Daddy - and I knew Riley or Ben was about to do something stupid to cause themselves embarrassment and/ or humiliation, I'd shrink back into the couch and pause the show at last second stopping the thing from happening. I'd laugh, take a breath, and I'd have to remind myself that it isn't me the one that was that close to ruining my life. In those couple of minutes, while the show is paused and I'm mustering up the courage to press play again, I think about how I wish I had a real-life remote where I could pause my life, or rewind or even fast forward through the tough and embarrassing scenes.

Kind of like in that Adam Sandler movie, Click. That man is a genius.

Coming to the hard realization that, that kind of technology still doesn't exist, I have to continue being a futile character in my own story. Or lack thereof.

As much as I love, love, it really never works out for me. All through grade school I was always the odd one out. The tall curly-haired freak that wasn't allowed to shave until she was fourteen. The one that spent high school lunches with her nose in the library because the company from Katniss Everdeen and her adventures were much more interesting than my own. By the time dances came around, I was always dreaming of the kind of guy that would sweep me off my feet. Adventurous, responsible, romantic.

Of course, that dream guy, or any guy for that matter never came for me. Time passed and so did prom and after graduation, I lost sixty pounds, grew out my hair, and enrolled in Law School deciding that I didn't need a man to make me happy. I had myself, my german Sheppard Teddy, and my cute little apartment overlooking Manhattan.

I had a nice life. A great job. Why would I sit here and feel bad for myself?

"I don't need a man," Teddy grumbles and lays his head on my lap wagging his tail lazily as if agreeing with me.

I take the last sip of my white wine and my roommate, Bea walks out of her bedroom holding hands and giggling with her boyfriend Oliver.

I try to take another gulp of my wine hoping the alcohol will strengthen my independent woman resolve.

Watching as Bea and Oliver practically suck each other's faces off I decided I needed something stronger than wine.

"Bye Oli- bear." She sighs and Oliver kisses her hand. "Bye Bea-utiful."

I think I'm going to be sick.

Bea leans against the front door releasing a dreamy sigh after Oliver walks out. She sees me finally on the couch acknowledging my presence.

"It's Sunday afternoon and you're sitting on the couch doing nothing."

I scoffed and lifted my wine glass and a folder containing one of my client's cases. "I'm actually kind of busy."

Even after saying that I toss the folder aside tucking my fuzzy sock-clad feet under me turning on the T.V watching The Fault in Our Stars.

Bea sits down next to me sighing and wraps her arm around my shoulders and I lay my head on her shoulder. Bea is not only my roommate but she's also my best friend. I was born an only child, but Bea has always been the sister I've always needed. She's been by my side since law school and in turn, I supported her through her starting up her modeling career.

Because of that closeness, she knows me too well. She knows that even though I say I'm better off alone, alone is the last thing I want to be.

"Let's go out. Maybe you'll meet a guy you can be stupid with." She wiggles her perfect eyebrows and I smile softly.

"I think I'm just going to stay in." At that moment Bea's phone dinged showing Oliver's picture meaning that he already misses her and has plans for them both.

Bea looks at me with a torn expression. I know she really wants to go be with him, and I won't make her stay at home with me and sulk.

"I'll be in my room, I think I'll just take a nap. Go have fun." She smiles and kisses my cheek. She looks back at me with a sad little smile and shuts the door behind her.

Looking back at the screen I see Hazel and Gus stuck in their own little world of true love always. It makes my heart heavy making it sink creating this void within my chest.

Then I do the only thing that covers the feeling of emptiness. I turn off the T.V and get up to fill up my glass of wine.

"Cheers to independence."