“The Umbrella Academy” Characters as John Mulaney Quotes *SPOILERS AHEAD*
It’s my solemn oath to make one of these posts for all my top favorite fandoms.
Luther / Number 1: (when people in the club comment on how hairy he is) Nooo! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about!
Diego / Number 2: Hey, you know who’s a great lady? Our mother.
Allison / Number 3: (groans) You know, life.
Klaus / Number 4: If you get sober, you can’t say, “I’m really sorry about last night, I was just so high.” Now I have to be like, “I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud. It probably will happen again.”
Number 5: You remember being 12, when you’re like, “No one look at me or I’ll kill myself.”
Ben / Number 6: I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then I manifested right here.
Vanya / Number 7: Do my siblings hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?
Pogo: You could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you.
Grace: (Interrupting a tense conversation) I made a salad with craisins!
Reginald: “Hello, I’m Reginald Hargreeves. I’m your father.”
Dave: I’m very gay. I’d like a few dollars.
Hazel: (staying at a bird motel with Agnes) This is the height of luxury!
Cha-Cha: (after removing the cocaine she planted on Number 5 to frame him) Whoa, what the fuck is this? … Well, it was in your jacket. Now you’re doing 2 to 10 and the apocalypse is definitely happening now.
