Blue sapphires

School sucks

Today the cafeteria was crowded more then ever, but it always seemed that way. My table was empty. Obviously. I don't socialise the way people want me to. Me and my chocolate milk just looked at each other, solemnly. Talking. Shouting. Loud whispering. Almost blurred as I just sat there looking at the world as it moved without me.

My itchy green jumper clinging to my pale freckled skin.
So itchy.
"Hello, Jemima", Gracie wonder weld snarled serpent like behind me, gently taking a lock of my auburn hair in her  delicate long fingers. "Haven't seen you for a while, I am really sorry though, about your friends, they seem to have disappeared". She tugged my hair painfully and walked off laughing Evil like. I just stuck my rude finger up momentarily and ate the rest of my plain sandwich.
I felt alone, in a world that I didn't belong, a world I didn't want to belong in. I grabbed my chocolate milk and squeezed it angrily and it popped in my bear fist. then i yelled at the top of my lungs, "what the fuck are you all staring at" half of the cafeteria grew silent, I just stared at them with my cold hazel eyes singing something shit and I walked away naturally, throwing my whole tray in the green trash can. 

the outside air was cold, and some boys were playing basketball, they were tall and African and beautiful to be ohnest. i looked away cause all of it reminded myself of dodie my kelpie. that died like a couple of years ago but hey. i mentally punched myself and wrapped my brown jacket tighter around my gosse bumped arms, why was i so fucking depressed, and why did i have to fucking swear.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

I walked around the hallways without a hall pass, the teachers didn't seem to really notice, too busy buried in stress and work. i just watched the rest of the classes working and distracted some random kids from there work. i ended up just going back to my locker and drew all over it with permanent marker, i wasn't too bad at graffiti. 

I looked in the mirror in the girls bathroom. An auburn haired pasty freckled skin girl looked back at me, with a deer in the head lights look. Tears trawled down my cheeks, I wanted to just succumb into the space in my backyard pool. The toilet door swings open, grace sashays in, an evil grin plastered all over her face. "Why you crying, baby girl, hey maybe  I can turn that frown upside down". She says holding up a pair of pink scissors in the air snapping them neatly in the air. No, please. Helena cross wood and Georgia lark follow in, both holding matching purple scissors. "Leave me alone", I say through gritted teeth. Quickly drying my tears. "Now calm down, we knew you would put up a fight,it's for your own good and mental health. So we have invited a friend to, restrain you while we get to our beauty work". The door swung open one more time and a senior boy came in. He had dark black hair. Harry Henderson. He grabbed my arms and pinned me to the wall as grace and her cronies closed in and started to laugh as my auburn locks fell to the floor. I started to cry, I couldn't do anything, I was defenceless. 

Defenceless. Defenceless. Defenceless.
I say over and over again, cutting my hair even shorter in my bathroom at home. I'm crying and crying and yelling at myself inside my head.
Defenceless. That's what I am.
My auburn hair, now a pixie cut tasseled looking thing. Cut like my wrists. Cut like my arms. Bruised like my soul.