My life

How are you supposed to know who's permanent and who's temporary?

The thing about your first true real love is that when it's over it feel like the worst possible pain ever imaginable and that pain for me has not stopped yet. It's been a little over a month since my first real boyfriend and I broke up. We dated for 10 months but we talked for a year while only missing two or three days. We had a long distance relationship too, he is in the army stationed 12 1/2 hours away from me. I thought he was my one. My one and only. I truly thought with my whole heart and soul that he was my person. I was so sure. He was amazing and did so many good things. However, it was only when he wanted to. When I needed him he wasn't ever there fully if at all. The good happened more then the bad though so I thought no ones perfect and it was fine. But then he did something I knew wasn't okay and I had to do the right thing for me and break up with him. My whole heart shattered. It felt like no pain I've ever felt before. I was giving up my boy. The person who I gave all my firsts to. The person who has taught me so so much about everything really. The person who I gave my all to. I made future plans with him. I imagined my future with only him. And then in one night it all came to a stop. It was devastating for me. There are still so many ways I'm saying goodbye to that future I planned. I lost my best friend. Someone who had been there for me in ways no one else in the world has. I miss our relationship. I know it wasn't perfect but no relationship is ever going to be perfect.
My situation is unique. I feel like no one else can really understand what I'm going through. Well except maybe him a little bit. We had a long distance relationship with a small time difference. I broke up with him a day before he went on leave and I had been waiting to spend those days with him for a long time. And now he is deployed. We promised we would stay friends and we have been doing good up until a few days ago. He just continues to disappoint me in ways I didn't think mattered that much and it breaks my heart all over again. Maybe it would be better if we just did what everyone says to do and never talk to him again and block him on everything. But he's deployed. And I worry about him. And I don't want to lose him completely. I'm terrified I'm going to lose him which is why I made him promise we would stay friends. Maybe it would hurts less if we weren't. But I feel like it would hurt more.
I just feel so incredibly alone and I miss having someone who loved me talk to me every day and understood me. I miss having him as a best friend. I miss falling asleep with him either on ft or in person. I miss having a person to call mine. I hate feeling heart broken every day and everyone says it gets better with time but I don't know if I believe them.
I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake and I broke up with my soulmate. I feel like it's not supposed to hurt this bad if I'm just breaking up with someone temporary. How are you supposed to know who's permanent and who's temporary?