«Dr. Kim, Don't Fear Me» [K.n.j & K.s.j]

117 ⸸

Later on that day, the police found Namjoon lying down next to Seokjin's grave. They suggested that he should go home, and the doctor did so, yet he didn't want to leave at all.

But in order to avoid getting asked about the incident by anyone there, he preferred to just leave before being spotted. A policeman was kind enough to drive him home, without asking him anything.

The only thing that the policeman had asked the doctor was if he wanted to go to the hospital, to which Namjoon shook his head saying "No, sir. I'm okay." When he really wasn't.

Even the word "Sir" reminded him of Seokjin, making the ride back to his own apartment more and more painful.

The policeman drove off as soon as Namjoon entered his house. He wanted to make sure that the doctor got home safely and that nothing else happened to him.

He knew how much Namjoon had been through already. The doctor sighed, deeply. His sigh traveled to his chest, making it harder for him to breathe. He turned the doorknob, and the policeman drove off. When he entered the house, a tidal wave of sadness washed over him.

Seeing the apartment was an immediate setback for Namjoon, and the further he walked into it, the memories would flood up in his head, making him feel empty inside.

He found Seokjin's clothes everywhere. His scent of the last cologne he wore still lingered all around the house, especially the room.

The room that he and the doctor first slept in, first became roomates, and first made love.

Namjoon was so worn out, he barely had the energy to cry. All that was coming out of the doctor was a silent cry. He couldn't talk at all because of how loud he called out Seokjin's name, hoping to find him, all of that screaming made Namjoon lose half of his voice.

"I wish I never woke up. I wish I would have held onto him tighter last night." He headed back down and entered the bathroom.

It was cold. Namjoon removed his clothes and goosebumps immediately covered his body from head to toe.

He stepped into the shower. Just when he thought he was done, that nothing was left in him, and that he was completely powerless, he slid down to the floor of the tub when his vision became foggy.

And just like that, the man found himself crying another endless river of pain, unable to accept the loss of his lover. He refused to believe that Seokjin was dead.

"He's still alive. He's still with me..." Namjoon's voice was broken, making up sentences that not even he himself would believe. Lying to himself was like a numbing cream to ease the pain within his broken heart, but his memories wouldn't allow him to fully heal.

Seokjin took everything from the doctor, without taking a single item away from him.

The only thing Seokjin physically took from Namjoon was his heart. Namjoon himself felt
as if his heart had been forcefully ripped out of his chest, and that nothing but a huge gaping hole was left pouring with blood.

Blood that drained from his body, along with the rest of his soul.

He watched as the water was filling up to his ankles from the lack of draining within the tub. The tub was blocked by a build up of soap. There were bits of soap and some pieces of his sponges had traveled down to the tub, clogging up his pipes.

The time he spent inside of the shower was endless, and before he knew it, the tub was nearly overflowing from how full it had gotten.

Namjoon turned the faucet off, yet he stayed in the shower. He stopped, thinking to himself for a few minutes. Dark thoughts occupied his head now, encouraging him to do bad things to himself.