Since the breakup, I've had a lot of time alone. Which adds up to a lot more time to listen to music and pay attention to the lyrics. To be poetic, I made a playlist for you with all of the songs describing my various feelings for you. Creating the playlist has helped me come to grip with some of these feelings. Here are just a few clips from some of those songs. Enjoy.
My condolences
I'll shed a tear with your family
I'll open a bottle up
Pour a little bit out in your memory
I'll be at the wake dressed in all black
I'll call out your name but you won't call back
I'll hand a flower to your mother when I say goodbye
'Cause baby you're dead to me
I need to kill you
That's the only way to get you out of my head
Oh, I need to kill you
To silence all the sweet little things you said
I really want to kill you
Wipe you off the face of my earth
And bury your bracelet
Bury your bracelet
Six feet under the dirt
I need to say sorry
That's the only thing you say when you lose someone
I used to say I'm sorry
For all of the stupid shit you've done
So now I'm really sorry
Sorry for being the apologetic one
But if I told you again, if I told you again
You would think I was crazy
-Dead to Me: Melanie Martinez
If you only you had let me know
If you only you had let me go
Before we atomized
-Atomised: Laura Welsh
But the best of me wants to love you
But the worst in me doesn't want to
-Worst In Me: Julia Michaels
Writing in blood on the walls
'Cause the ink in my pen don't work in my notepad
Don't ask if I'm happy, you know that I'm not
But at best, I can say I'm not sad
'Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
-Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have: Lana Del Rey
I don't want to talk about
How our hearts are doing now
God knows the both of us have tried
We were so in love just a couple of kids
It's a long way back again
-Back Again: Nashville Cast
Another day with whiskey and cheap wine
But it don't stop this dream back in my mind
My friends all say that all will heal in time
But the truth is it don't give me peace of mind
-Not OK: Kygo
But babe, yeah, might miss you
If you're cold and needed shelter
I'd hold you, but not sweat ya
I know we're not together
But babe, I won't forget ya
-What I Need: Hayley Kiyoko
There's nothing that I'd take back
But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret
A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest
No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me
-Silhouettes: Of Monsters and Men
Too proud to it say, and I let you leave straight out of spite
And now I'm missing you, sometimes I wish you missed me too
Maybe you do, I'm hoping, but you're too proud to say it too
Maybe I've just been dreaming, dreaming that you'll come right back again, again, again
-Hearts: Jessie Ware
Wish that we could go back in time
I'd be the one you thought you'd find
I've been sleepwalking
Too close to the fire
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight
In this burning house
-Burning House: Cam
Why did you leave me here to burn?
I'm way too young to be this hurt
I feel doomed in hotel rooms
Staring straight up at the wall
Counting wounds and I am trying to numb them all
-I Have Questions: Camila Cabello
What about all the times
You would pick me up and we'd just drive
Around until we found a place to stay and waste the day away
We'd do nothing but it was okay with me
You say it's not good to spend all my time
Thinking about you so late at night
But I can't stop once I start it's like an avalanche
Thoughts coming and I just wanna hold your hand
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to, but I can't put
Nobody else above you
-hate u love u: Olivia O'Brien
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
'Cause I'm not fine at all
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
-Amnesia: 5 Seconds Of Summer
So, where did you go?
I should know, but it's cold
And I don't wanna be lonely
So tell me you'll come home
Even if it's just a lie
I tried not to upset you
Let you rescue me the day I met you
I just wanted to protect you
But now I'll never get to
-ilomilo: Billie Eilish
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
-Gravity: Sara Bareilles
Dreams
That's where I have to go
To see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you
And listen to the radio
If you ask me how I'm doin'
I would say I'm doin' just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out
And I sit down
At a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say
I'm, not over you
-Not Over You: Gavin DeGraw
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
Burning red
-Red: Taylor Swift
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
-White Horse: Taylor Swift
They say it's better to have love then lost
Than never to have loved at all
That could be a load of shit
But I just need to tell you babe
Some mistakes get made
That's alright, that's okay
You can think that you're in love
When you're really just in pain
Some mistakes get made
That's alright, that's okay
In the end it's better for me
That's the moral of the story babe
-Moral of the Story: Ashe
You've got all the ingredients except you loving me
And respectfully,
I'm not a piece of cake for you to just discard
While you walk away with the frosting of my heart
So I'm taking back what's mine, you'll miss
The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night
-Cake: Melanie Martinez
And I wake up and I take drugs
And I say stuff that I make up, like "I hate love"
And I hate that I can't lie
Couldn't hate you if I tried
-Better When You're Gone: David Guetta
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright for once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
-Behind These Hazel Eyes: Kelly Clarkson
Put me on the shelf, disciplined myself
To let the sparks die out
Shattering anything
That has reflections of you
-Reflections: Misterwives
