Happily Ever After I'm Dead

Chapter 8

Harry woke up and got out of bed. He couldn't sleep, yet again. He tried to sleep on his own, but even when he could sleep he'd have terrible nightmares. And he couldn't take anymore dreamless sleep potion because he'd risk an overdose and slip into a coma.

And that is one thing he'd like to avoid at all costs.

So he did what he did every other night he couldn't sleep. He walked out to the library and sat down right in front of the portrait of Sirius. He opened his mouth to talk, but no sound came out when the picture put a finger to his lips and pointed behind him. Harry looked.

What he saw was Draco Malfoy laying on the floor holding a book as if he fell asleep reading it. His blond hair fell in delicate tendrils on his face and his mouth was just barely open. It made a sweet picture of innocence and Harry wished beyond what he thought possible that he had someone to hold him. To tell him he was loved. To make everything okay even if he knew it wasn't.

"Sirius?" Harry spoke in a voice so quiet he wondered how Sirius had even heard him.

"Silencing charm Harry." He couldn't make out what the painting said but he got the idea and cast a charm so the blond wouldn't wake up due to their voices.

"Sirius?"

"Yes Harry?"

"I...I'm lonely."

"Well obviously or you wouldn't be here talking to me. You'd be in bed sleeping."

"You know I'll overdose if I take any more potions to help me sleep." The picture scowled.

"Harry we've been through this before but if I must do this again, then it's worth it. What are you looking for in a person?"

"Someone who understands. Who went through as much as I did. Someone preferably who isn't a girl. All they do is expect me to take care of them. For once, I want someone to hold me, to protect me. And I want to do that for someone too, just not all the time. I want the freedom to cry in someone's arms when it's all too much."

"I wanted the same thing once. And...I guess it's time you had the whole truth." Upon seeing Harry's confused expression, he continued. "I wanted someone to hold me at night, and someone for me to hold when they're upset. I wanted another man, someone who would understand. And I fell in love without realizing it. We both did when I was set free from Azkaban.

"Poor Remus never knew what hit him. He already knew he swung both ways, but it was kind of a shock for him when he figured out he loved me too. I never brought it up, but he did one day.

"See...us three used to play a truth game when we were younger and we could get rid of Peter. Bottle of truth potion, and a bottle of a muggle hangover remedy. Nasty stuff. Anyway, we could either drink the truth serum and answer one question or drink the hangover remedy and risk puking all over. Most disgusting thing ever." Sirius pulled a face.

"I only ever did that one once and that was because I didn't know how bad it tasted. I never did it again. So Remus asked me what I wanted from life. I told him basically what you just told me, except I wanted kids too. Or at least one kid. In a roundabout way we ended up having the best sex of my life, not to mention all the sweet things we did for each other.

"And then, all too soon, he went out to spy for Dumbledore...he promised he would come back. He never did.

"Do you want to know why he didn't come back?" Harry nodded, enraptured by what his godfather was telling him. "He was caught. He was killed, murdered in cold blood, by a Death Eater." Tears were streaming down both of their faces. Harry never suspected anything between the two, but now he thought about it, it explained a lot.

"Shortly thereafter, I got some of the most wonderful news. I was pregnant. And a few weeks later, when I tripped over that blasted umbrella holder, I miscarried. I lost everything that was dear to me within the span of two months-besides you of course."

"So...why are you telling me this?"

His expression changed. What once was filled with sorrow and missed opportunities was now passionate frustration. "That man talks in his sleep you know. He was talking about you before you came in. Not hostile, not even indifferently. He said he liked that someone was concerned for once. I assumed he was referring to the fact that you wouldn't let him get motion sickness so late at night.

"And I've heard you talk in your sleep too. You regret fighting with him." Harry shrugged.

"It's not like he'll ever forgive me. And besides, he's my partner. I refuse to break rule number twelve."

"Remind me again."

"Never date a coworker." Sirius nodded.

"You're done with your job in, what, a year? So befriend him this year and then see where it goes."

"But Sirius...if I lose him...I lost you and everyone else. I can't deal with anymore loss. And after my training sessions-"

"Oh dear Godric, you didn't?"

"Had to, he was so out of shape."

"Well I won't blame him if he does hate you then. Those sessions are ridiculous."

"They're designed to keep you alive. And it works."

"Harry bloody Potter, if you do not simply take the chance on this one then I swear I will burst forth from this blasted canvas and castrate you myself!" Harry, eyes wide with fear, nodded quickly. He knew his godfather only wanted the best for him and he knew that he would do anything to please him unless it put his life in danger. Maybe...maybe it was worth a try, to go after someone that he actually liked. And maybe hatred could be traded for passion someday.