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Safe

Axl's a jerk in this one, don't kill me!

My head was pounding, oh god light, light was evil!  I groaned.  Shit I was freezing, and wet, and fuck, what had happened?  I thought hard, trying to remember.  "You never did learn your place did you you little bitch?  Answer me you pussy!"  Axl, he was angry at me, why?  Something about my new lace up leather pants being too tight and the whole world being able to see what was his, that and he had seen an injection mark on my arm and he knew I'd been shooting up again.  He hates me using and he goes crazy any time he knows I've been doing it, which of course leads to me using more to escape the pain of his wrath.  It's a vicious cycle.

He must have punched me because i remember blinding pain and then I had been face down and he was pulling my hair and snarling "Your place is with me, you're mine, understand you little junkie slut?  All mine!  Somewhere before he hit me he fucked me, I remember him being on top of me, thrusting in and out behind me, pulling my hair, saying my place was under him, that I was his whore.  Then the burning on my lower back, terrible and familiar as he put his cigarette out on my skin.  I had a row of those burns and several scars just under the waistband of my pants where nobody would ever see them.  I didn't fight back, fighting back only meant that he'd beat me harder and longer, it was just easier to give in and get it over with quicker.  He always made sure that the worst of the bruises were under my clothes, I rarely had a black eye or a busted lip courtesy of my boyfriend, no but busted ribs and bruised kidneys or a black and blue stomach were much more likely.  Wouldn't  want anyone to know that sometimes Axl Rose was an abusive monster who beat the crap out of his lover.  Shit, wouldn't want the world to know he was in love (or his version of love) with another man for that matter.  Sometimes I'm pretty sure he hated me because I was a man and because he loved me and that he beat me because he was ashamed that he was attracted to me.  I suffered for what he saw as something wrong inside of him.  And yes, I loved him, I used to be devastated when he would hurt me, but every beating beat some of that love out of me and I was at the point of outright hating him, I was just scared to leave.  It hurt to think; I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me again, the darkness didn't hurt.

I opened my eyes again, I've got to get up, wherever I am I'm wet and so, so cold, I can't even feel my feet I'm so cold.  I force my eyes open a little and I see that I'm outside on a hotel balcony, and it's raining, that's why I'm wet and cold.  We're in Milwaukee or somewhere close to it and it's January, I remember that much.  I try and push myself up but a searing pain runs through my head and I fall back to the floor.  My head hurts so much, and I'm so very cold, and the darkness is comforting as I slip back down into it.

When I wake up again I'm being lifted into the air.  I fight to open my eyes and I see a curtain of long blonde hair close to my face, a black shirt that says CBGB, Duff, it's Duff who's carrying me.  "Duff, what happened?" I whisper; anything louder would make my head split in two I'm pretty sure.

"Shh Slash, don't talk, just close your eyes baby, I've got you," he whispered.

Did he just call me baby?  I love it when he does that, he's been hiding me and from Axl and cleaning me up after Axl would beat me for the past few months.  Somewhere during that time feelings had developed, Duff said he'd had them for a long time but I was too scared to leave Axl. 

I laid my head on Duff's shoulder and tried to relax, but I was still so fucking cold and I was wet, why was I wet. "D-D-Dufffff w-w-w-why am I wet-t-t?  I, I, I'm s-s-s-so cold!"

"Not for long, I'm gonna put you in a hot shower.  You were on the balcony passed out, he beat you unconscious.  You're coming to my room and that's where you're staying, no more going back.  You could have frozen to death, you were fucking blue!  Enough is enough.  Izzy and Steven have all your stuff and are moving it right now so settle down and don't worry ok?  You're gonna be ok, I've got you and you're safe with me.  That red headed bastard's not safe but you are," he tells me.