Just Once More

Four

The back of my throat sears the last drops of fluid as my wooly soles meet the ground. I stagger away from the edge, fighting my way through the blizzard in my stomach.  The room seems to be off-balance so I spread my arms in the hope that things will be normal again. My eyes lose focus and I find myself moving into a sloping position. Dropping to my knees, I huff and relinquish control to my body. The dizziness lessens once my face is against the floor. My clammy cheek instantly tingles then warms back up from the pressure against it.

I could easily stay here all day...

Shut myself from the rest of the world and wallow in my self-inflicted misery.

I think I at least deserve this after everything that went down.

I’m pondering if I made the right decision in refusing Him and sticking by Lily. Family sticks together no matter what, right? I frown at the thought of what Lily would do if she was in my position. She’d never even give it a second’s thought and stop everything for my happiness. That’s the kind of sibling I should be in this situation. Sure, I’d be happy with Him but I’d never be comfortable in the knowledge that I didn’t put my sister first. My parents would be devastated if they could see me from the clouds now.

“Why meeeeee?” I cry out, kicking my legs out behind me and thumping the ground with my balled up fists. “Why do I have to choose? Why can’t I have both?”

I roll over onto my back and stare at the vents in the high ceiling. My eyes flick down to the two windows that take up most of the adjacent wall. The rays of sunshine hitting the countryside landscape that appears to stretch endlessly causes me to squint. A survey of the room tells me whoever owns this place is a minimalist and has an eye for art. I stare at everything from the abstract paintings fitted on the beige walls to the textured rug peeking from underneath the low bed.  From my floor position I can’t see a fleck of dust anywhere on the glass T.V stand or the elliptical strategically placed near the entrance to the bathroom.                                                                   

I get up without any trouble but the dizziness resumes so I retreat to the bed. Gripping a pillow, I hug it as a ripple of nausea hits me. My mouth tastes horrible; like the bottom of a dumpster. I collapse against the crisp sheets since moving makes things worse and find my eyes unable to stay open.

Springing over to the mountain of Neapolitan soft scoop at the end of the rainbow, the four foot long bunny waves me over with a smile when he stops.

“Come on over Gisele,” He squeaks. “You know you want to…”

I can already feel myself unashamedly salivating when taunts about my size come to mind.

Through a mumble I say, “No, I probably shouldn’t… I don’t need the extra calories.”

“Doesn’t it look so scrumptious and comforting? One teeny spoon won’t hurt…”

“Well, I guess so… Just one spoon and that’s it.”

“Of course!” The black and white bunny chirps as he beckons to me.

“Don’t do it Gisele.” I hear the voice in my head say. “It’s not worth it.”

Ignoring the voice, I follow the tempting urges of my bunny friend.

“Gisele come on, please. You can’t choose food over me. I need you…” The voice continues saying. “I’m nothing without you.”

I soon realise that the voice is actually real when I look back to see Dominic in a single breasted tux and plaid blue bowtie.