Shattered

Chapter 4

Nothing exciting happens as the weekend goes by, which is just the way I like it. I make sure to stay in my room so I can recover; my last attack really scared me. I haven't had one like that in forever, but it shows me that I haven't healed. Sandy and Paul don't bother me about it, which is strange behavior for them, but I don't say anything. I'm happy they leave me alone. I just sit on my bed, blasting my heavy music, and watch YouTube videos to keep from thinking about last Friday. Whenever I do, my stomach squirms and I feel awful all over again. This feeling I hate more than anything; so I hide away, and by Sunday night I'm back to myself again- silent and crabby.

Monday comes all too soon and once again I'm stuck in those claustrophobic halls where everyone talks too loudly and walks too close to me, where no one cares that I'm bleeding inside, and everyone pretends the world is roses. When I walk into English class, everyone watches me like I have a disease; I don't know what that is for. I sit in my usual spot, but they still glance at me and laugh. My cheeks redden and I slip farther down my seat. I hate the attention. No one ever focuses on me, not when I was the new kid from America. What happened over the weekend that made me suddenly so interesting? Once class begins everyone listens intently to the teacher and I begin daydreaming once again.

9 Years Ago

"Why are they so mean?" I asked Hannah. I stared at my small chubby hands as I asked her, trying to hold in my tears.

It's the middle of the day, recess, the time when kids wait with baited breath, counting the seconds before they can leave and run around. We are confined to the classroom today, it's raining outside and there are limited options on the toys.

"They must be jealous." Hannah shrugged, not really paying me any attention as she colored in a unicorn.

The other girls had refused to let Hannah and I play with the dolls. They all sat over in the corner, playing with the Barbie's or the cheap Target version of American Girl Dolls. We had walked over to the corner earlier that day and all they did was stare at us as if Hannah and I had two heads. The judgement in their eyes was easy to see, they had acted cold and evil. The two of us didn't notice at first, so we smiled and Hannah asked if we could play. Instead of welcoming us, a few girls shook their heads, turned back to their dolls, and pretended that we didn't exist.

"At least that's what my sister says." Hannah said after a second.

"My mom said to kill them with kindness." I whispered, risking a glance at the girls that seemed so happy in the corner, while Hannah and I sat in our chairs at the other end of the room.

"How about we use the dollhouse and try to play with the dolls later?" Hannah smiled encouragingly.

"Okay!" The thought of the dollhouse had momentarily distracted me.

We sat in the corner and opened the dollhouse, and forgot all about the toys, deciding to find fun of our own. And somehow it became a very good day.

Present Day

Lunch arrives and I notice the kids are looking and laughing at me. None of the other kids talk to me as I sit down at a solitary table in the corner. This is the best place to be, because no one talks to the other. Some read books, other play on their DS's, and some sit doing homework. I open my lunchbox without so much as a glance to what Sandy had packed for me and start eating. I look down realizing Sandy packed me my favorite. She doesn't know it's my favorite- I don't mention things like that to her- but by chance I get something good today. It's a bagel and cream cheese.

Someone suddenly taps me on the shoulder and I jump, knocking my food halfway across the table. I get an angry look from the kid who now has to wipe the cream cheese off his DS. I ignore the glance and turn to see Fletch. His hair is still crazy and curly, and he wears that dimple smile, and I hate to admit; it makes me want to smile right back at him.