Shattered

Chapter 12

I sat in my room, wondering what the consequences would be if I visited Jack secretly again. It was eight at night and I was finally alone. All through dinner Sandy and Paul asked about every detail of my outing to see Jack and Sandy even mentioned the morning after pill. I had lost it then, screamed at them and rushed into my room. Paul yelled at me to come back to the table, but I didn't listen. No one came to yell at me so now I was alone.

Now the TV is on in the living room- another soccer game. The sky is dark. There are hardly any stars tonight and an airplane flies over-head, the sound booming in my ears. I sigh. I miss my music. The doorbell echoes in the small house and I hear someone open the door.

"Not a good night tonight guys," Paul says. He sounds tired, which is normal, but something about his voice is off. He really must think I did something horrible.

"Oh," I hear Tom say. "Alright then, well tell her we said hi."

"Sure," Paul says, and I hear the door shut.

I could rush out there and complain about pushing my friends away, my only friends, but this time I let it be. I don't really want to see anyone. I don't want to feel better. I want to wallow.

2 Years Ago

"Honey, I'm sorry," my mom said, sitting down next to me. I sniffed and hugged my knees.

"I don't know what I did wrong," the tears were spilling over and my voice cracked.

She rubbed my back and sighed. "Girls can be mean, honey. They always find something to make a big deal about. Don't worry, they will probably want to be your friends tomorrow...although I think it would be best for you to find new friends. Sensitive girls are the worst."

"But-" I started to say.

"Hayley! This is the third time you have come home crying about something like this!" she protested. I merely sniffed and nodded.

We sat in silence for a moment and then she said, "I think you need to wallow."

"Wallow?" I asked.

She nodded and then got up. There was excitement in her face. "Ice cream, maybe even a little chocolate. And a good movie. Come on, we're going grocery shopping."

"But..." I don't know why I was hesitating about eating chocolate, but I was too sad to try and get up.

"Well either you can sit here and cry, or you can wallow," she emphasized the last word. She put her hands on her hips and waited for me.

"Let's wallow," I said, getting up and following her out before she could change her mind, because chocolate did sound really good at the moment.

Present Day

Sunday afternoon, I walk into the living room and see Paul working on some paper work. His eyebrows furrow in concentration. He always complains about paper work. He sighs and looks up at me as I walk by.

"Hey. I'm going out," I say, grabbing my black converse. They're falling apart. I know I need shoes, but I don't want to ask Sandy to buy me new ones.

He clears his throat. "Where?"

I shrug, "I don't know, really. I just wanna clear my head."

He nods and sets down his pen. I can tell he's thinking as he plays with the edge of his paper. "I know a good place."

I raise my eyebrows, but don't question him as he ushers me to his car. It's a beat-up white truck, something he loves- but I can't understand why. Sometimes the old thing doesn't even start. We get in and we drive in silence.