The Apparent Junction of Earth and Sky

The Apparent Junction of Earth and Sky, Part VI

It was a cold morning, colder than he could remember it being for years. The entire sky was a sheet of steel gray with rippling undercurrents of blue that was almost black. The ocean rolled up onto the wet sand with violent, breaking thrusts; its usual metronome was gone,replaced by a constant static. Brendan pulled the hood of his thin,blue sweatshirt up over his head and put his hands deep in the front pocket. Ciaran was walking a little ways behind him, dragging his feet despite the fact that this was what he wanted. Saying goodbye to the girl proved harder than he thought. That burned Brendan up a bit. Telling Mika that he was leaving had to be more difficult than whatever the boy experienced, especially since she had just come home from her own temporary migration. Especially since she now said things like I miss you and I love you. Still, Ciaran shuffled by in that blank misery that only teenagers can truly project. He went past Brendan, dragging his duffel bag across the rocky surface of the cracked parking lot. Little pebbles and pieces of broken pavement popped under its weight and went spinning into the air. They hopped like frogs across the lot, some of them falling into crevices and disappearing from Brendan's view.

As if he had two broken arms, Ciaran lugged the duffel bag into the bed of the truck and pulled the tailgate shut. Brendan looked away from this pathetic display to find her standing at the edge of the lot,just past the warped, moldy wooden fence. She smiled awkwardly at him.

Ciaran saw her, too.

"We have to go," he said dully.

"Just a minute," Brendan answered, paying him little attention.

He walked across the parking lot quickly but pretended not to be in a hurry. Her smile faded the nearer he got and for a second he thought maybe Ciaran was right, he should've stayed by the truck. Maybe he'd never leave now.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Brendan started to pull his hands from the deep front pocket but decided not to.

"This sounds stupid," she said, "but I wanted to see you leave. I wanted to watch you drive away."

Brendan smiled, his stomach turning in that knowing knot that predicates homesickness by an hour or two. He looked at the ground and nodded.

"I'm glad you did."

"I know I already asked once, but I thought maybe if I asked again you'd have an answer this time. When will you be back?"

Brendan turned back to see Ciaran sitting in the passenger seat of the truck, his head leaning forward onto his chest.

"It's up to him," he said, looking back at her. "Can't really say."

He resisted the urge to run his finger through the hair that was hanging over her ear. Brendan felt something horribly intimate about that movement and the way she always turned away with a grin and red cheeks like she must have done when she was much younger. For a second, he wondered if her husband knew that smile. A frightening mixture of jealousy and sadness pushed the thought away.

He nodded again.

"I think he's anxious to go," Brendan said. "I would stay longer, but..."

The sentence was never finished.

"I hope you find her," Mika said. "Honestly."

Brendan looked out at the turbulent ocean surface and thought that they would have a better chance of finding Ciaran's mother out there somewhere than in the impassable country that now lay before them.

"Me, too," he lied.

He didn't want to find her. He hated it about himself. But he didn't want to find her.