Downfall | ✔️

Chapter 4.

As I stand outside of class I feel the dread creeping in as I know all eyes will be on me, and if that's not bad enough—I should've been here almost half an hour ago.

I work up the courage to open the door and walk to my seat, each step feels like I'm trying to drag my feet through cement. I hate being the centre of attention. The professor stops speaking abruptly and directs his gaze to me as I take my seat beside Jess. Could this be any more awkward?

"Miss Woods, is there a reason you're joining us almost... thirty minutes late?" he scoffs, checking his watch dramatically as he crosses his arms.

"Car trouble, it won't happen again." I lie, smiling my most convincing smile, the corners of my mouth turning down slightly—contradicting my words.

He nods and continues with the lesson. I avoid eye contact with Jess the whole time, peering over at her now and again, she seems completely nonchalant, unfazed with the whole thing. If I wasn't so set on what I want to do and so far into the semester I would change. But nursing is what I want to do, and its the class I've given everything up for. I have my reasons for having my heart so set on it, I'm not ruining that over a friend's mistake.

Class seems to go on forever, I could barely focus without my mind wandering elsewhere. As soon as we're dismissed I pack up my things as quickly as possible, cramming my books into my bag as messily and randomly as I can. Just as I step towards the door, Jess steps in front of me.

"Mara, what's wrong? You've barely looked my direction never mind spoken to me." she shrugs. What gets to me is that she seems genuinely clueless. She doesn't have a clue what she's done wrong. How can she be so oblivious?

"What's wrong? Seriously? You're asking me that after last night?" I feel the rage building up inside of me again, its beginning to feel like all I do, get angry.

"I don't remember anything from last night.." she stutters, her eyes set on the floor. I know she's lying. I can tell, I always can. I'm so fucking fed up of being lied to.

"Don't lie to me, Jess. I deserve the truth from you at least, be honest with me before I walk out of this door and our friendship is over." I tell her, I may sound harsh, but I feel like all I do is deal with other peoples lies, and let them walk all over me. Not anymore. I'd rather be alone than be someone's doormat, as much as being alone terrifies me.

I hear her sigh, I know she's trying to find the correct words—but making me wait isn't diluting my anger.

"I remember." she mumbles, an almost whisper. Before I can even respond she speaks again.

"I'm sorry, Mar. I really am. I don't know what came over me, I haven't been drunk before, I couldn't really process what you were telling me on the phone. I was playing beer pong when you called, it was loud and my head felt like it was floating. Part of me knew I should leave, but I didn't want to.. if you want honesty." she looks at me with apologetic eyes.

I wanted honesty, and I'm glad I got it. But that's not what I was expecting. I've never been that drunk before, the kind of drunk where you don't know what's going on. But I know that even If I was—I would do anything for Jess.

Hearing that there was a part of her that just 'didn't want to leave the party' hurts. Why am I wasting my time?

"Okay." I say simply. Short and sweet. I don't have any other words.

I push past her and make my way to my car. During the drive home I hear my phone buzzing over, and over, before noticing the name flashing from the corner of my eye, it was Carol. Shit, I forgot to call her back. I link my phone to the car speaker and accept the call.