BFF (A Josh Hutcherson Fanfiction)

10 - The Last Note

The anxiety of starting school in just under two weeks has settled in so I can’t sleep. Plus every time I do find myself falling asleep, I wake up with a start because I’m dreaming about Josh and me.

Not like, sexually. Well not all the time at least. But holding hands and kissing casually and being a Real Couple. That kiss we shared at Disneyland really fucked me up more than it should have, and I can tell Josh with reassuring smiles and easy conversation that I’m over it and it’s not affecting me anymore but my heart knows I’m lying and eventually it’s going to come back to haunt me.

I’m supposed to be chasing after this magical mystery man though, right? He’s the whole goal. The end that makes the means worth it.

If only my mystery man realized that his little scavenger hunt has pushed me so close to Josh that I can taste his lips, feel his hands on my lower back, and see us together forever.

Today’s note is long and I’m almost too tired to care, but Josh expects me to do this, so I have to.

Surprisingly, California actually isn’t as superficial as you think. Don’t get me wrong, I only hang out with other actors/models/famous people, generally because I’m a pompous asshole who is better than everyone else (ha ha – this is a joke).

But not all of Hollywood acts superior to the rest of the world. I think that’s because most of Hollywood isn’t really famous. Or at least not to the naked eye. When you walk down any given street in Hollywood, I guarantee you’ve walked passed an actor, a singer, a director, a writer, and a comedian. They’re a dime a dozen around here. But you’d never recognize them because they’re dressed like normal human beings doing normal human being things.

Most of the inconspicuous famous people who aren’t recognized by face but would be by profession hang out at this one bar in Downtown Hollywood. It’s not like the one from your first night here for a few reasons:

1.       There’s no cover.

2.       You don’t have to be famous or with someone famous to get in

3.       It’s like any other nightclub you would find in places not full of famous people

4.       But it’s still full of famous people

And unfortunately,

5.       They card

Even though you can’t drink, go have a good time. I guarantee you won’t be able to tell the difference between celebrities and non-celebrities, which is because those celebrities realize they’re just like everyone else.

Dance with an actor or two and some non-actors (not that you’ll know which are which), but don’t get too attached.

Josh will know the address.

Have fun Jolene.

It’s not likely that I’ll have much fun. Unless Josh gets drunk enough to dance with me. But I have to try to have fun, because there’s still a chance that I’m going to fall in love with the guy who is sending me these notes.

Andre dresses me as best he can so I can go out with Josh to this club. I try to keep my heart in it, but as the hours pass and I dance with every guy around, I just can’t do it. It’s not even 11 yet when I search for Josh and find him standing against the bar watching the dance floor.

“Hey,” I say. “Can we go?”

He eyes me, concerned. “Is everything okay?”

For some reason I feel the urge to cry, but I force the tears to stay in my eyes until I can get out of public. “Yeah,” I say. “I’m just beat.”

“Okay,” Josh says. “Let’s go then.”

I wait out front of the club while Josh pulls the car around. The silence and the loneliness creep around me and suddenly I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m crying when Josh slides out to open the passenger door for me.

“Jolene? Jolene, what’s wrong?”

“I love you,” I blurt out. “I’ve loved you for a long time, but it doesn’t matter because you don’t feel the same. I’m trying to want the guy in the letters but I can’t stop thinking about you and that kiss. It’s futile. I’m sorry. I love you.”

Josh looks like he might throw up, his face is paler than I’ve ever seen it. I wipe my eyes and laugh. I can’t believe I just said that. Josh is going to kick me out. But then…

“It’s me.”

“What?”

“The letters,” he says, approaching me. He’s within arm’s length now. “I’m the one who has been sending them to you.”

“What?” I repeat.

“I wasn’t going to tell you until the last one, but I can’t hold it in, not when you just said that. Because I love you too Jolene. I spent months coming up with the plan for the letters before you got here because I’ve been too afraid to just come out and say it.”

Still in shock, I stare at Josh with wide eyes.

“I was hoping you’d fall in love with the guy in the letters and still be in love with him when you found out it was me. Please tell me I didn’t majorly fuck up.”

“No,” I say, smiling and stepping towards him. “No, this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done. Josh, I can’t believe it’s been you the whole time.”

He smiles, shyly. “It has been. It hasn’t been easy to keep it a secret. Every time we were in your bed reading the letters I just wanted to wrap my arms around you and kiss you and tell you how I feel but I couldn’t find the words. It was easier to write it all down.”

He pulls an envelope out of his pocket, the exact same shape and size as all the others.

“I was going to wait, this was the last letter. I keep it with me just in case. Read it.”

He hands me the envelope and I open it. The stationary is the same, but this time instead of being typed, the note is handwritten.

Jolene –

When I was sixteen I came home for a visit and we went to the movies together and then went to the city overlook and sat in my mom’s car talking because I had my license and we didn’t want to go home just yet. That’s when I knew I loved you. Something about the way we connected that night changed something in me, and I knew it was never going to be the same.

I wanted to tell you, but life kept putting obstacles in our way. I couldn’t tell you I loved you and then leave. Too many people had left you already. But I also couldn’t stay – I don’t want to admit it, but I would resent you. I couldn’t give up my dreams for anyone else, no matter how strongly I felt.

When you said you were moving to California after graduation, I knew this was my chance. I went back and forth a hundred times trying to figure out how to say it, and then I decided I would write you letters anonymously. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but it was all I had. I was scared, I needed to hide behind something until I was sure you felt the same.

After we kissed at Disneyland, I’m finally sure.

So I’m telling you now, it’s me. It’s always been me.

I love you, Jolene. With all my heart.

Love,

Josh.

I read every word and then read them again. I can’t believe this is really happening, Josh has been the guy all along. I knew – in my heart I did. Or at least I thought, or hoped, that it was true.

Now that I know, I lean forward, closing the small gap left between us, and I kiss him. No reservations, no fear, no confusion. Just a kiss.