please dont give up on me [manthony]

maybe its lust, maybe its love

i wake up with the sun in my eyes, it feels nice to have some warmth on my face. i flip myself around, facing my door. i wonder what time it is.
it's been years since i've woken up by myself. clinton always has to wake me up with the thought of me dead terrifying him.
after what feels like ten minutes of looking at the ceiling, drowning in my thoughts. i decide i should do something different today. i don't like routines, so why not switch it up.
i get out of bed and find an outfit.
black skinny jeans, and a dark grey hoodie.
i walk into my bathroom, and take a shower. i look down and remember what i did yesterday.

i walk down stairs to find clinton eating waffles. my favorite.

"woah what the fuck?" clinton says in a surprised tone

what? i reply

"you're awake???"
"i'm surprised too" i chuckle

i walk into the kitchen and see a stack of waffles ready for me. i smile at the thought. does clinton really care for me? i don't want to hurt him.

"i thought you'd like some waffles, so i made you some. not gonna lie, i'm an amazing chef" he says laughing

i roll my eyes at his comment "they're waffles clinton, a ten year old can make these"

"not on my watch"

i sat down next to him and watched whatever he had playing on the tv. there's silence, but it's comfortable. i'm grateful for clinton. i speak up and tell clinton that i felt like doing something new today. he suggested to ride around on my bike, but i wasn't up for it. then he suggested to go to the skate park.

i haven't been there since i was ten. i get up to go to the kitchen and wash my plate. i ran up the stairs looking for my shoes and i ask clinton where he keeps his skateboard.
i've never felt this excited to go somewhere.
i don't even know how to skate.

i walk out the house with clinton yelling to be safe and come home before sun down.
i think he cares.
i look up at the cloudy dark sky, hoping today goes good.
i manage my way to the park without falling. i really hope nobody's there so i don't embarrass myself.

and just my luck, there's a group of boys there. i make my way inside and stay at this small rail in the corner to keep away from them.
i look towards them, they all look near my age 17 maybe? there's three boys. one brunette, one with blue hair, and the last one had blonde hair.
as much as my eyesight sucks ass, i could tell he was gorgeous from afar. i quickly turn away so they don't suspect anything.
i look down and pull my sleeves up to ready myself. i slowly put my weight on the upper half of the board and push myself down, i freaked out and slipped. fuck.

i hear the boys laugh, i can feel my cheeks heat up from embarrassment. as i was getting ready to pick myself up, the blonde boy comes in sight and reaches his hand out and i look into his eyes. i don't know what the difference between lust or love is but i felt something. i snap out of my thoughts and i take his hand, realizing what i've just done. i quickly pull my sleeves down and i thank him, hoping he didn't see anything. i pick up clinton's skate board and leave.
why'd he look so familiar?

little did i know.