Toxic Love

3

I knew what was waiting for me when I got home. I could practically smell the chocolate chip cookies my mom bakes every time I come home from my appointment with Jenny. I didn't care for it but my moms eyes got all teary when I made a fight out of it.

"I'm home," I yelled when I walked in the door. The scent of the cookies hitting me straight in the face. This was going to be torture but it has to happen, I thought. I walked into the spotless kitchen and saw the plate of freshly backed cookies on the mess free counter. My parents were waiting the the living room, the loved hearing about my therapy sessions. Maybe the liked it because they knew it tortured me.

My life wasn't bad, in fact it was anything anyone would want. I have a family that loves me, I go to a good private school and I could have anything I want. The only hitch is that I am adopted, I'm not biologically theirs that probably why I'm so fucked up. I could say I was abused when I was in the orphanage but that wasn't true either.

My parents adopted me at the ripe age of 5 from Russia. Everything was fine until I hit my teens, then the fighting started, I became more and more withdrawn. I gave into the voice in my head telling me to stop trying, so I did. My parents cried and begged for me to let them in but in all honesty there was nothing to let them into. I hated when people cried, I hated when people let themselves show their feelings. This was only because I didn't know how to react into those situations, I'm not a hugger. I don't feel what they do, sometimes I want to but I think then pain of it would drive me insane.

I walked into the living room, my mom instantly looked up from her phone. She was pretty for a woman her age. Her blonde hair was always up in an effortless twist and her blue eyes rimmed with expensive eyeliner. Instead of her usual polished suite, she wore sweatpants and a T-shirt. My dad sat on the opposite couch with an iPad that was bigger than anything I've seen. He too was dressed down with shorts. He was clean shaven but you could see the 5 o'clock shadow and the tiredness in a light brown eyes.

I prepped myself for the questions and I knew what I was going to say. I rehearsed this, I made it sound convincing. This was it!

"Thanks for the cookies mom, they always smell so good!" I sat down on a chair opposite them.
"I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do for me and I wanted to say" I took a deep breath, "I love you both and I'm sorry it took me so long to say it". There it was out in the open.

My mom dropped her phone and came over to me, she wrapped me in her arms and I inhaled the perfume she had on. It felt nice to be touched my someone you care about, I would never wish harm on them. After all, they did raise me. I may not have all the screws on right but I knew how much it meant to them.

My dad cleared his through, "sweetheart we love you no matter what happens, just know we'll always be here."

There were no questions that night, just a sigh of relief from both of them. I knew they thought that Jenny had gotten through to me but they were so wrong.