With a blank and empty feeling I write this now.
Knowing I made a mistake in taking up a deep conversation with Bella so late into the night when I already overthought my day.
I feel like a husk after those 7 minutes lying on the floor, twitching, crying, and writhing in my own self hatred and loneliness.
I didn't want to breathe, I still find I don't but when I choke myself or hold it I begin to feel my sorrow welling in my chest. My eyes burn.
It consumes me almost entirely, until I'm rising off the floor and wiping my eyes.
Episode having been forced over, I throw myself half onto my bed in search of my phone that I absolutely hate yet know I don't.
My anger floods my body and I want to beat myself, but there's already bruises from this morning, and instead I go back to the floor.
Where I writhe again in anger and kick the walls and bed.
I felt like something like this would happen, everything overflowing and spilling if I spent one more day with her.
The anxiety kills me inside and it all overflows until it controls my every move and word, but I portray it so that it doesn't seem as bad. So that they don't worry-
Because I am mostly fine.
Just.. unstable.
One moment I'm overemotional and too worrisome and then the next I'm stoic and apathetic.
But I'll be fine in a bit, or a day to a few days.
Annabella and I are going to write back and forth now, to try and clear up our overwhelming emotions-
I'll probably be fine and write again tomorrow or later if I don't sleep.
YOU ARE READING
My Daily Journal (Ig-)
RandomBasically, I guess, I wanted a place where I could just write out things about my day, knowing the 5 friends I have won't find it because otherwise they'd probably get mad at me. And other people- But yeah. This book just contains things and notes f...
