I carried on

Chapter 1 (Winter,1970)

"Wake up!!!! You little dirty freak. Go and make breakfast for your brother. My son would be hungry. Get up lazy ass.", yelled my mother at 6 am in the morning. It was normal for me. Let me start by introducing myself. I'm Hoor. I live in Kashmir which is currently a disputed territory. A war is going on between Pakistan and India to win our land. It's not safe here. I have one brother, Zalan, whom i adore and parents who love my brother. I'm more of a servant to them but i don't mind. I love my family.

I walked out of our mud and stone made house to feed the cows and chickens. A sudden cold breeze blew on my face and my whole body shivered. Baba jaan promised me that he'd buy me a coat that month. I didn't have any clothes for winter. They bought it for Zalan. Well he was just 7. He needed it more than me and my parents weren't the king or queen. They couldn't buy us everything. We hardly had money to get two meals a day.

The hen had laid eggs. I could cook them for breakfast. I lifted the hen to steal her egg but it pecked me on my hand and jumped towards me. During this hustle, the egg fell. What have i done? Amma jaan would beat me if she finds out. What am i going to do?

I ran inside trying to look calm. "Wake up Zalan. Get ready. I'll make your breakfast." "I'm up. Stop screaming you freak. Go away."

He came to the kitchen and i gave him some bread and milk but he demanded an egg. I told him what happened but he did'nt listen. He started screaming hysterically. Amma and Abba jaan came running and found him crying.. At that moment, I knew that i would get beaten.

Well that's what happened. Amma pulled my hair and dragged me out of the kitchen into the veranda. She picked  up a broom and started to beat me. She hit me on my legs and arms. My lips were bleeding as well when she smashed me on the ground and left me there. I lied there as my body froze.

Zalan left for his pre-school while i stayed at home doing dishes and other work. I loved school. I did go till 8th grade but then i had to leave school because my parents couldn't afford my education along with Zalan's so i had to give it up.

It was a normal day for me. Things used to get worse than this sometimes. Atleast we survived another day in a place where you could get killed and nobody would even know. Last month my friend's father got slaughtered because he refused to go with the Indian troops for help at their camps. Those were all lies. Indians captured Kashmiris as prisoners and then tortured us. The sun was down now and i was on my bed again thinking about my life. I wasn't sure about my existence. I felt like a shadow who goes invisible with time. Nobody saw me. Nobody knew what i felt. Nobody could hear my soul scream. Nobody.